Exhibitionism In The Locker Room.

I woke up this morning around 8:22 AM. I just have that number in my head for some reason. I had a wee bit of trouble falling asleep last night, but I think after twenty minutes of relaxing, I dozzed off around 12:25 AM. I put on my bathrobe and let myself “wake up”. Around 9 AM, I decided it was time to “begin the day”. Rinsed my face, and put some clothes on. Set some water to boil. Two packets of instant oatmeal, and a cup of instant ass. ..*laughs* Or so Cliff calls it. I like instant ass. Add a little milk, it’s almost like hot chocolate. That carnation stuff that has lots of stuff in it.

I was still moving rather slowly, so I let myself relax. Sometime after 11, I decided I wanted to vacate. Checking my things in the van, I noticed I had neglected to fully close my shampoo last time, so it had spilled out and onto my gym clothes of the moment. Hmm. Oh daRn, guess I’ll just have to wash them. Heh.

I weighed myself naked out of curiosity. 130.8. Hmm. I burned off calories since I left yesterday. Again curious, I weighed myself afterwards. 130.8 with a head of wet hair. Hmm!

There’s something I need to talk about, or at least write out the monologue in my head. It shouldn’t surprise anyone that I’m exhibitionist. I just love being naked. I love my body, and it’s almost as if I want someone else to admire me, too. Well, maybe that’s not the right way to put it.

I have to ask myself why I was terrified of getting naked in the locker room a decade or more ago. While I could say it was getting naked in front of strangers, I think it had more to do with getting naked in front of my dad.

It’s curious to juxtaposition this with my current freedom. Why won’t I get naked in front of my dad now? The response I get back from my head is so incredibly embarassing. I’m afraid my dad won’t accept me. Fear of judgement from my father? Is that how deep this has run through the eb and flow of my personality?

And so it’s more or less as Alex suggested. By feeling accepted amount the veritable male population of all shapes, sizes, and age, I gain the acceptence I never had from my father. Strange. Very strange, indeed.

So what do I do? I hardly want to be like, “So dad, want to compare peckers?” Dude, no! I don’t want to see that shit! *laughs then sighs*

I ask myself why I never wanted to work out before. Probably fear that I’d never live up to his expectations. He did as least try to tell me that “all shapes and sizes” GOTO the Y. This is true.

With psuedo-revenge driving me, I’m able to turn everything on it’s head. I’ll take that feeling of never thinking I could live up to my dad’s non-existence expectations and say, “If he thinks I’m a weakling, I’ll prove him wrong.” Regardless of what he really thinks. Though, I think I’ll keep my original thinking. Because I really have nothing to prove to my dad.

On another topic, I’m slowly getting my little guy to calm down. It’s no different than getting a physical from an old ugly women. That, “OH GOD, NOT NOW, THIS IS NOT EVEN REMOTELY SEXUAL.” Tuesday, the little guy could help but get a little excited. Yesterday, not as bad. Today, even less. Within a week, I should be able to undress without any reaction from my penis. Because. Dude. I’m not walking around a locker room sporting a T.E.1

I do find myself glancing at other peckers. The ol` compare and contrast. I uh. I’m doing pretty good for myself? *laughs* I figure I’ll outgrow that as well. It’s only proper locker room etiquette.

Anyway, enough of me naked. I know not to do the same thing in consecutive days, so I went swimming today. I haven’t seen that pool in about a decade. It seems.. so small from what I remember. The orientation of everything is different. In addition, I can’t see shit without my glasses2, so I took a minute to gauge where all the blurs were going.

It felt good to be in water. I figured I’d use the lap lanes? I found myself getting tired fast. Blasphemy! I know enough to switch to my back if I get tired. Winded, I took a break in the whirlpool. Then I went back in and did some stretching and basic water-resistance motions. Simple shit. I figure as long as you’re tired at the end, it doesn’t really matter what you’re doing. You’re exercising something.

Clothed again, I headed for CCM. And boy was I hungry. I ended up having some soup. I’ve been noticing people looking me in the eyes more. Hmm! I should shave off my mustache before that stops happening. Oh. See, it started raining as I was walking through campus. I had my hoodie on. But. My hair was already wet. So I just walked with my hoodie open. Normally, I hate rain because it makes my hair frizz. But. Since my hair was already wet, it kind of smiled.

I gave myself two options. Unix or Calc. Turns out these lab computers have telnet disabled. You know, I’d really appreciate it teachers told us where we could actually GO to use computers. I’m sure there’s other ones out there, but I wouldn’t know were they are. And dude. You know how left lanes can be a left-turn only lane? I cross Route Ten, and this guy quickly jumps into the left lane. County’s right there. So I cut him off so I could get over, and flipped him off as he jetted by me on my right. *laughs* Chain food, my ass. I’m from Jersey, bitch.

So I guess I’m going to do a bit of calc. Whatever I feel like doing. I think I’ll clean my room tomorrow and not even think about schoolwork. Among other pet projects I’m sure I’ll find for myself. If I feel like it, I’ll work out Sunday morning. And to think I decided to start exercising spur of the moment on Sunday! Who knew I’d actually get into it so much? I feel so much more positive about it than I did two Junes ago.

My arms only have a slight amount of soreness left. My inner thighs are getting sore-r, probably due to the exercise I did yesterday. I’ll go easy on them Sunday, if they’re still sore Sunday. I’m aware that rest is important. But dude. I’m young. I can handle it. And it’s so strange that I want to do it, so I’m sticking with my desire to do it as much as possible. Oh, I decided Sunday because I tend to be more motivated the day before things are due. I deserve to have Saturday “off”. Once I see how my time partitions out, I’ll look into getting a part-time job. I hardly want a job that will eat my soul again. Heh.

Sooo. *looks at time* I’ll be best served to set my ETD as 4 PM. That way I can give my mom the option of eating early or late. I’m still a bit hungry, so I may take the early option, and eat again later on. C`mon, people have been telling me for years to EAT MORE, I just never felt comfortable doing it when I didn’t do anything.

1. Thunderous Erection.
2. That is to say, even if I wanted to, I can’t even see another guy showering. I see this blur moving. It’s not worth the trouble of being caught, so I just do my own thing.