Trials of Restoring.

Tugging is the long-haul. It’s trying at times. But I remind myself of my goal. If I blink and open my eyes six months from now, there WOULD be noticeable progress. This, I know for sure.

I try not to get too obsessive over tugging. I want progress. I want growth. I want results. Over the long haul, tugging 13 hours a day will make more of a difference than tugging 12 hours a day. But. Why make such a big deal out of one hour? So, I don’t. When I wake up, I do it slowly as I always do. I’ll eventually get around to washing my face. In addition, I’ll rinse my penis and my tuggy. I’ve found my tuggy stays on easier that way through the course of the day.

I guess I don’t pee much. Heh. I recently went the entire day (maybe ten or twelve hours straight) without having my tuggy fall off. I took it off myself to pee (then put it right back on). Does it fall off? Yes, it does. It gives. Some days more than others. I’ve learned to live with it. I can usually tell when its secure and when the skin is slipping. It’s all about lubricant. Just normal skin greases. Which are great under normal circumstances, except for when you’re trying to use friction to maintain non-movement between penile shaft skin and a piece of plastic.

It’s tricky trying to keep tension off of the scar. (Ye olde circumcision scar that is. Sure as hell don’t want THAT getting bigger.) It’s hard to explain without showing it to you. So. *shrugs* Just take my word for it, I know how to keep tension off of it.

(Aren’t I helpful.)

Something I’ve been doing recently before going to bed is slathering my scar with neosporin. Figure, the skin’s getting a break from being put under stress, might as well make it a vacation. Skin’s looking a lot better than it was last year. I know what I’m doing. There shouldn’t need to be any breaks due to aggressive tugging or stupidity.

In addition, I’ve been taking a Vitamin E supplement. Figure, can’t hurt, right?

It’s trying. My original motivation was to gain sensitivity. Save my dying penis. Masturbation had become an exercise in futility. I’ve tried for years to bring back the carefree foreplay I’d enjoy. My penis just doesn’t respond that way anymore. I still masturbate. …I guess. But the frequency pales in comparison to a mere four years ago, when I hit my peak and my sex drive dramatically took a nose-dive.

I’ve resigned myself to not really getting back any pleasure. It’s not a good thing, probably. I focus on other positives. Yet. I want to reflexively say my pleasure doesn’t matter. Well, you know what? YES IT DOES! My pleasure does, too, freaking matter. I shouldn’t just resign myself to the knowledge that I can’t have my original penis back. I should endeavour to make the most of what I have. Make the most of what I grow. I’ve already proved I’m adept at cunnilingus. So, what about my pleasure?

Looking on the bright side changes things. If I look only on the negative side, I remember night after night of not desiring anything. Of nights where I wanted to masturbate, but my penis wasn’t in the same mood I was. If I look on the bright side, I remember the last time I masturbated, one week ago. I was using one of my fleshlights, and I experimented with barely penetrating it. What happened that night reminded me of so many days of my youth. My erection was strong, and for once, I had pre-orgasm pleasure. Orgasm always was the enemy in my youth. Orgasm means the end of play. Make it last as long as possible..

(Nevermind that I was partially motivated to train myself to “last longer” so I could “last longer” during sex. Ha ha. I was a bright kid, what can I say?)

It’s about pleasure. It’s about making my penis happy. My penis is happy when it has a little turtleneck to keep it warm. It’s so hard to see the end of the road when you have so much progress to make in front of you. I know that from so many other experiences in my life. I know when I finish restoring, I’ll have to look no farther than my pants to see a physical manifestation of what putting your mind to something can do. When I finish restoring, I’ll be complete. Being a complete person. That means far more to me than any amount of pleasure in the world.