Escapism.

Is it Wednesday already? I said to Cliff, thinking about last Friday. I was wondering how his day with “she who shall not be named” went. Turns out she was too tired to do anything and bailed. He was busy, otherwise, but I can’t remember what else he did.

I wanted to talk about Melissa, but I didn’t feel comfortable enough. All it takes is one little trigger, one response, to make me feel like the person cares. All it takes is, “Oh, what happened?” to get me flowing. And I never heard it.

It’s quite puzzling to me. Here’s a guy that was bashing women’s conversational skills, among other female traits, yet he can’t respond enough to me? Eh, he’s puzzling at times. I’ve learned not to take everything he says at face value, there’s always something underneath which is meaning. And something deeper which reflects how he feels. It’s hard to explain. My personal experience has been that I have more fulfilling conversations with girls than guys. I’m not sure what his experience has been.

I’m not as bias against guys as I used to be in the past. Partly because I want to stick up for my own curse-ed gender. Partly because I have male friends now. I’d feel a bit of a hypocrite if I put down guys full-knowing the strength of the friendships I have now.

Reminds me of how I punched Jenny hard in the shoulder today because I took something she said the wrong way. (I later gave a solemn apology, though she didn’t care much; I still think she deserved it.) She was talking about how her boyfriend “whines”. Something about him whining about a bloody nose. Somehow, I construed this as her complaining about him being emotionally expressive. It was a knee-jerk reaction and I hit her. *smirks* I never said I didn’t hit girls.

…My advice to Jenny was to either accept her boyfriend’s “whining”, or dump him. (I love being Captain Obvious.) Complaining is one thing. Complaining about complaining is another. And if I were to complain about her complaining about his complaining, then um, we’d have some problems. : D

I’ve been so social since Saturday, partly as a compensation for Melissa. At least for Saturday, I knew I couldn’t be by myself. Since then, I’ve been binge-ing. And now that I’m sitting here all by myself…

Now what?

Momentary boredom combined with life-direction uncertainty. Erik told me to take this one game designing class. And I had this crazy idea to talk Calc III. I passed Calc II, and that’s the hardest one. Math is my thing, no? That’s two classes down. If I were to GOTO county in the fall.

*yawns*

I’m talking to Melissa online, and my entry train of thought has crashed.