I’ve been better.

I’ve had a realization recently that I am horribly craving feminine physical intimacy. Combined with not knowing what to do with my days off, I’m feeling kind of .. lonely right now. I’m feeling discontent. And I don’t want to simply put on the strong face. I don’t want to pretend I’m perfectly alright.

I miss the comfort in being sad, I suppose.

I’m lonely. I crave a hug. I crave somebody’s hands roaming my body. I crave a kiss on my neck. I crave somebody pinching my ass. I crave having somebody to fall asleep and wake up with. I crave somebody who will let me touch her body whereever and whenever I want.

That staff meeting occurred at Panera tonight. Turns out, it really WAS about employee appreciation. As we were closing, it felt like I was in Fight Club. All these people working together, one giant mass. *smirks*

Jenny. Jenny is very sexy. She was wearing pink pants. It looked like cotton. It hugged her skin. I could see the outline the front (and back) of her thong. Um. Excuse my wandering eyes, but she’s sexy.

Social circles formed. I hate them. Aside from one-on-one contact, I kept to myself. As always. I made sure all the dishes were in their proper place, as I’m openning tomorrow. We watched some cheesy movie, I sat by Vicki, as she was looking lonely. Adam sat on my other side. I’m not surprised about that.

I still don’t take well to teasing. Even if nothing’s meant by it, I just don’t like when people make fun of me. It still hurts. Vicki told me that I have to have comebacks, but, I was never into that. That was never my style. I don’t like lowering myself to people’s levels. I just take it and move on. Yet, I’ve been doing that for years, and it’s never made me feel any better. I still take things to heart too much. That critic gains so much voice when it’s masked by other people.

Ugh.

Suzanne asked me to take Rolando, Nelson, and Gladis home. So I did.

I always get this horribly confused look on my face when I’m asked to do something I’ve never done before. Vanessa asked me to watch the door while she peed, and I had absolutely no idea what she meant. I just sort of looked confused and nodded? Turns out, I was supposed to make sure nobody walks in. Well, thanks a lot for telling me that.

I hate being teased when I don’t know something. Ugh. Hard to look intelligent when you, well, don’t.

I’ll try to distract myself before I GOTO bed tonight. I have to be awake in six and a half hours.