Progression.

I enjoy writing at this time of night. My day is done and I’m content with myself. Most of the world is asleep, as my drive back from Cliff’s is evidence of.

Cliff’s girlfriend said the phrase, “Sorta, maybe, not really.” I’ve been saying that phrase for years. She claims she has been saying it for years.

Being around people I’m on the same wavelength with is relaxing. It makes me wonder just how Paige and I fought so much in the first place. A relationship shouldn’t be constant differences. It’s not that I have high expectations for relationships, Pham, it’s that I’m still feeling out what I think a relationship should be for myself. For me. Certainly everybody has a different paradigm of relationship.

While it’s nice to know I can pester Cliff, I’m feeling the void of female companionship. *shrugs* Bound to happen when you realize you can’t be with a girl you love.

A while ago, I noticed a natural progression of relationships, from girl to girl. If I reflect upon the previous happenings of my life, I can accertain why a girl was the right girl for me – at that time. Everything is a learning experience. I was ready for what Paige had to offer me when I met her. As for what I need next, those thoughts are best kept to myself. I find it best to keep my inner premonitions to myself.

I still crack up at the fact that Cliff told me a while ago that what I needed was an older woman. And he was totally right. I’m almost tempted to ask him what he thinks I need next.

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October 23, 2004

Nah, it’s not that I think your expectations are unrealistic or HIGH or something like that. I couldn’t really put an adjective to your expectations. And dude, I agree with you, you should figure out what those expectations should be for yourself and accept nothing less. I just don’t understand them 😛 I so can’t talk. I have some of the strangest relationships on OD.

RYN: Let’s dance! 🙂 I love to dance too – did it for 3 hours last night, drunk enough not to care what others think as I let my body move to the beat. Hey – ask Cliff what I need next!! LOL

get a sugar momma.

ryn: I really hope so, one day…they are rather pricy. It’s an investment =P

October 23, 2004

I agree with chalyx.

I third the sugar momma.

October 23, 2004

I think everyone says that phrase. Isn’t it freaky when you drive home late at night and you can use your brights on the interstate because the world is asleep? I love that.

When it comes to expectations and relationships, the idea is to find a middle ground between “unreasonable requirements” and “settling for less than ‘just right'”. There is someone ‘just right’ for you, out there- I promise. For now, you’re still figuring out who YOU are, and that means you aren’t going to know who SHE is. But that’ll come with time. No worries. ; )

October 23, 2004

when i see the title of this diary i get the ac/dc song in my head. you bastard. um. *shrugs* i dont know what else i was going to say.

October 23, 2004

I feel the void that un-companionship leaves you with, so I can at least relate to that. … Yeah. I can definitely relate to that.

Go get yourself a prostitute, it’ll take you out of your rut. Or, even better, become a prostitute! Bye-Bye Rut!

October 24, 2004

RYN: OMG, you’re kidding me right! I thought you lived somewhere in Iowa or something like everyone else does! I go up to the Water Gap sometimes for flea markets or random things. I’m in Stroudsburg ALL THE TIME.

RYN: Simple algebra indeed. I’m just dumb and don’t get it. Thank you SO much for the explanation though. I’m sure it will help me out. I appreciate it. Take care!

October 26, 2004

*hehs again, coz she does that most often here*

October 27, 2004

I am not an expert, but I think to achieve a slightly better state of a relationship, wouldn’t it better if you stop thinking what an ideal relationship should be. Well then if you think too much of it, you start comparing, and it’s not too good, I supposed?

October 28, 2004

Well…. start scratching! 🙂

Next? Maybe just a woman 2 years older. Heh. 😉