I Love Your Pants, Part I

Cliff was raving about Anger Management, and about how pissed off he was after he saw it. So we watched it.

I wasn’t pissed off afterwards. I’m betting that the fact that he first watched it with his ex-girlfriend who was about to dick him over had an effect. After all, he’s watching a movie about a guy getting peed on. And what do you know, his ex peed in his butt.

It was so obvious that everything he was doing was to get Dave to be pissed off. I said to myself, “You know, if you just let go a big ball of hate, he’d leave you alone, instead of continually fucking with you.” Ha ha. I internally chuckled at some moments, because I was reminded of this one time I expressed anger with my therapist, and she noted that I did – and said it was a good thing. Ha ha.

I tend to swallow anger, and I know it. I express anger at odd times. I yell at my computer. I spaz out at my parents. If you cross a line with me, I’ll snap. Ha ha. Like the time I flipped out on my hallmates. I could so hear them talking about me afterwards, thinking I was nuts. Or the (only) time I got in a fight in High School. Word to the wise: Do not knock my glasses off. I took one fast look at my glasses which had slid to the ground to the side of me and folded up, and knew I was NOT going to take that shit. *smirks* To other people, I suppose it takes a threshold for me to actually stand up for myself. I wait for sufficient cause, so I tell myself.

The weirdest things get to me…

We watched Kung Pow, Enter the Fist after that, Cliff saw it and thought I should watch it. Hilarious, had me tearing. I was laughing so much my face hurt.

I got Hot Chick for five bucks at the local Chester video store, whatever it’s called. I tried seeing if I could take Student Bodies off their hands. …Lady said she couldn’t sell it to me. Out of curiosity, I asked when it was last rented. She looked it up in the computer – June. THAT WAS WHEN WE RENTED IT. Ha ha. She said they skim the lowest 200 titles and sell them. If nobody rents it until next June, it’ll have been a year. …

In between haggling with the El Cheapo video store clerk and renting movies at Blockbuster and watching them, we went to Chi-Chi’s. Cliff had to order the Texas Nachoes appetizer. One of the cheapest things on the menu, and we were almost stuffed when we “finished” it. ..Then our meals came. I told him next time we get that, we’re having more people there. Or just ordering that, then sharing a dessert. Bill was 33 something. We both threw out twenties. We go there a lot, and really, I’m not going to get picky about overtipping at a place I love.

Somehow, we got to talking about how much money we need to live on. We calculated that if you’re cheap enough, it’s possible to live below the poverty line. Oh yeah. I was reminded of the poverty line because of that Onion short Cunning Linguist posted, about how the poverty line was lowered from 14,000 something to 10,500, freeing hundreds of thousands from the burden of poverty. ..*smirks* I’d like to see Urban Survivor. Give each person 10,000, and tell them to live off it for a year. …*laughs* Ah, it’ll be a new day when I’m actually self-sufficient. It would be fun to live below the poverty line, in that “Okay, that was fun, but I’m tired of eating canned beans every day” kind of way. Look at the food we ordered at Chi-Chi’s. It could have fed a family for a week.

Later on, I don’t really know how, but we got to talking about confidence. No wait, that was way before that. I got at Cliff’s house, and just walked into the door without knocking. Not upstairs, he and Danny were in his room. Went upstairs to play a mindless video game. TV button pushed in, so Cliff got his TV, which had never used before. Danny left to study at the town library. Came back – left again to go do something related to a hippie named Dave. Around 7, I proded Cliff for us to leave and stuff.

Seems the theme of the moment when I got there was that Cliff was calling a girl’s number, but not the last number. I know this about Cliff: If he’s going to do something, he does it. Danny can make a joke out of Cliff’s lack of testicular fortitude, but I know that if he wants to call a girl, he can easily do it. It’s a simple matter of deciding to do so. I won’t even get into the girl he was going to call, it’s not necessary.

Consider confidence. I walk into adult shops. I browse things. I buy butt plugs. I do it all with a straight face. Why? Because I know that I’m going to put it up my butt and enjoy it. I’m honest about it. Calm, cool.

Now, place me in Walgreens and tell me to buy some waxing kit so I can wax my balls. As it stands, I’d be nervous out of my mind. But that’s because I haven’t decided to do so. If I decided to go there and buy a waxing kit, while I might have a little jitters, it wouldn’t bother me so much. I’d go in there, browse, maybe even ask for help. “Yes, I’m interested in waxing my balls. I need to know which ones are meant for our delicate areas.” I can easily do that with a straight face – if I decide to do so. Then suddenly, it’s not me being embarassed. It’s everybody else. Ha ha. I win!