Apathy’s Silver Stake.
Sometimes, the internal monologue stops
I find myself disengaged from the activity before me
I look around
and ponder what exactly it is I’m doing at the moment.
But I suppose we’re doing anything, most of the time.
All these “things” somehow add up to “something”.
Qualitative sum of quantitative entities.
I’ve learned that in moments where I don’t know what I want to do
Those tender moments of apathy
It’s best to trust past moments of escapism
Past moments of accomplishment.
But again, the moment is hard to escape
The silence around me.
If I drink jews, will it taste okay?
If I watch a movie, will I enjoy it?
If I play a video game, will it entertain me?
Simple doubting of induction;
Not sure of whether something that has happened before
Can happen again.
It comes ago goes
And I always find myself looking at the time
Watch a movie, it’ll be too late to do such and such.
Oh no, things to do.
Things to do.
The fire in my eyes has cooled
The arrogent desire to tame the world has waned.
(Unfounded) Fear of desensitizing myself to positive stimuli
I casually run my fingers over my shaved genitalia
Simple pleasures which never grow old
I can do anything I want to do.
So often, I ask myself,
“Raymond K. Hessel,
Who do you want to be?”
But it need not be so dramatic
It is tonight I’m concerned with
Not the rest of my life
The fog of overwhelmingness has solidified
I can move to tasks one by one
I fret duly;
Now that the goal is in site, I want to put it off
There’s not much gay activity to do at this juncture
The sun set hours ago
It is as it’s always been
To accomplish a mini-goal
So I neither stress myself with finishing the project
Nor ignore it
Then retire to an evening for myself
For me
Present myself with positive stimuli
And let deterministic laws of causation make the fun go happy
Meh, know how ya feel
Warning Comment
Kiss it.
Warning Comment
some how snow and spring just fit together!
Warning Comment
Happy snow, er, I mean spring break. 😛
Warning Comment
Sam deal here.
Warning Comment
Who the fuck is Sam?Same.
Warning Comment
SNOW its 90 degress here. AHHH. Ill send it out this week! I LUV U
Warning Comment
Hehe. Well, I guess that’s better.
Warning Comment
spriiiiiiiing has Sprung? Lets do naked snow angels! ~>
Warning Comment
*laughs* that’s what i said! 😛 dont worry, it’s supposed to warm up and be sunny come saturday! …or friday afternoon? i forget.
Warning Comment
Go out and throw snowballs at the passersby…
Warning Comment
i’m gonna have to agree with the nakie snowangels. tho i do suggest having some hot chocolate and a warm towel fresh out of the dryer for when you bolt back in because your babies are frozen……
Warning Comment
lucky kid.yey for the return of public noats in timmy’s diary :)nice new name.probably off to read your previous entry now or something..later.xo
Warning Comment
Well, I think it’s a beanie baby….or, at least a knock off. It’s from that time period, heh. If that’s what you meant. The Almighty
Warning Comment
okay fine. Don’t. pfft. *looks around for something to read*
Warning Comment
I’m jealous. I want a spring (or snow) break. 🙂
Warning Comment
Warning Comment
It was snowing here yesterday. Spring break my ass.
Warning Comment
its snowing here too…[sighs]…florida…
Warning Comment
i JUST noticed that you changed your name.
Warning Comment
DIE snow DIE!
Warning Comment
I like the new name.. Its cute.
Warning Comment
Eh. Our Spring Break isn’t for another couple of weeks, two or three, I think. Anywho. Wanted to thank you, although you really didn’t do anything great. The night I was working on the Shakespeare paper, I was talking to you…Eh. If it wouldn’t have been for someone to talk to, I would have blown it off and gone to bed. But, I did it, and it was the highest grade. Good chance of winning..
Warning Comment
the writing contest with it. So, thanks..Heh…For nothing. Erm. Yeah. Ok, well, I’m off to do another one. *sigh* I would kill for a break right now. Hope you are enjoying yours.
Warning Comment
boo
Warning Comment
*giggles* did you wake up wishing that there really were breasts in your mouth? …of course you did! it doesnt take a dream like that to make you wish such a thing. 😛
Warning Comment
Prove it.
Warning Comment
I dreampt of.. Naked Mole Rat/Cow hybrid things with humans duct taped to them. Beat that! LoL Love and Crackers.Samie.
Warning Comment
I had a dream about shoplifting. And sex. 😛
Warning Comment
That’s really funny, because I had a breast dream last night too! Except it involved augmentation, not succulence.
Warning Comment
Yup.
Warning Comment
*fiffles and stuff*
Warning Comment
woohoo, gobble them up!
Warning Comment
What a lovely dream… droplets of water you say? Hmm, wonder why?
Warning Comment
>.>; <.<;; good morning
Warning Comment
i understand what you’re saying.. i can happily waltz around a sex shop but when it comes to buying wax strips at the super market i can’t go through a check out ‘boi’. But i’ll happily chat away to the guy behind the counter of a sex shop, tell him all about my dildos and what not… strange.
Warning Comment
I hope you enjoy Today’s Moment of Zen LOL
Warning Comment
I don’t have a good comment so here’s my aim FunkiexJunkie PS – I think you should see the movie ‘the attic expeditions’ XOXO
Warning Comment
*small smile* Are you in my head?!
Warning Comment
fabulous. you rule.
Warning Comment
RYN: Actually, I’d much rather prefer the breast!
Warning Comment
If you were the kind of person I could say “Pretty melodramatic, dude. Sounds like you’re talking out of your ass.” to, without you feeling that I’m bitch bully who needs to stop picking on you,I’d say it now. It would rock if you had some friends with fantastic bullshit meters. Might help you figure out what pretentious really means.
Warning Comment
And you try to play off inability to get staight A’s. *smack*
Warning Comment
Warning Comment
:'( We never talk. You’re married to me. I want my daily sex.
Warning Comment
re: Budd Lake is where the motherling was born. Unsure of the fatherling. So how far in minutes and miles is your township place, from hackettstown?
Warning Comment
re: lol, that means in a past life, we’ve probably crossed paths, literally. that’s interesting.
Warning Comment
re: I’ve probably been there, but I was in utero. (my very young memory is mucho sucko)
Warning Comment
re: lol, I’m supposed to visit for a wedding this summer. If my dad pays for the flight, I suppose I’d have to go. It’d be nice to actually use my accrued vacation time. 😉
Warning Comment
It’s about time. God damn. That’s the first time I’ve seen a glimmer of actual, non-bullshit honesty from you. Figured that response was coming, but I didn’t know if you had the balls to say it-Breath of fresh air, really. Nice to know there’s an actual person behind the caricature.
Warning Comment
And actually, re-reading it, you could have said a lot worse. I think I would have, with the amount of criticism you’ve been handed. Why are you so afraid to stick up for yourself?
Warning Comment