Timmy

March 3, 2004

Next: My eyes wet easier than they used to. It’s good.

Still not living.

Funny how the internal contradictions go. I’ll outwardly say how we’re all trying to “get ahead” as fast as possible. As if I’m somehow exempt from this.

I don’t really like this phase of life. I’d just assume skip past it to when I’m “independent”. And shit. Seems there’s a hard way for everything, and at least for me, I have to learn the hard way. It’s quite clear that, in my own way, I don’t like showing weaknesses.

Suddenly, I lost the ability to describe what weaknesses I had in mind.

I think my age is finally catching up with the rest of me. When I was 17, I remember being mistaken for 19. Just as an age-guess. As if two years is that big of a deal. I don’t want to be 23 and still whining about college. (Or, well, undergrad.)

I suppose I overlooked the fact that you actually have to live life. Which, I don’t really do. I let life carry me. I don’t take initiative. I float. I wander. I let life happen.

And I can’t do much while I’m here. I don’t feel like I can. I feel handcuffed, binded. I never wanted to come here, and I don’t feel like staying here. I thought I could ride it out, but I don’t think I can. Not like this. This damn place is poisoning me. I need a change of pace. Something, anything. Different scenery.

I can’t graduate in four years, I know this. What’s the point of taking five years if I’m just going to rack up more F’s?

I’m nakie and I’m going to sleep now.

oobi

March 4, 2004

come and live with me and janey in australia

*crestfallen

im sorry you feel that way…honestly. i to know how it feels to be a floater, the feeling of hopelessness and nothingness…it sucks. be strong. you have beautiful writing

Angelically Wicked

::gives you the keys to your handcuffs:: now go & unlock yourself XOXO

ShatteredSoul

March 5, 2004

“come and live with me and janey in australia [Oliver]” ….i think you should do that. *winks*

Aerodroma

Come To Australia! Live in Brisbane and we’ll get nakie and run around on the beaches, bits swaying in the open wind. LOL! ~>

seabee

I’m often guessed as 20, if I didn’t tell anyone, no one would really know that I was five years the junior. I guess I look alot older, and most times I act alot older…actually, I’m not really sure why people think im SO OLD! -whines- Oh well. Its fun now, but when I’m fifty I’ll look eighty. -gasp-

I was in Florida on vacation once, and twice in that single week 28 year olds came up to me, trying to take me out to dinner. One was rather randsom…long blonde hair beach bod, etc etc. The other one was a truck driver. Ugh. Angelo and Mike? I’m not sure. It was funny to tell them that I was 14 at the time. Especially when they kissed my hand.

Pessimistic Optimist

Wow.. You sound EXACTLY like me, which is why I finally decided to drop everything and move out west. “I want to feel like a bird, singin’ in an open cage..” That line, by Melissa Ferrick, is so me. The feeling of being trapped is one I can’t deal with. I hope you’re able to break free of your cage soon.

Hurricane Katie

Just remember: all who wander are not lost.

Desert Rein

Dude. With your intelligence level, I don’t see why you couldn’t graduate on time. You’ve got the brains, you just need the desire to use them. You’re way too smart to not be able to stop and realize what kind of oppportunities you would be passing up. Do it for all you can man and do it while you still can. *end rant* lol

Pilgrim

I have always believed that college is not for the majority of people. Even though you are brillant, handsome, charming, and downright sexy, college just might not be for you. It didn’t work for me all I got were F’s, so I went to art school. Been great ever since!

fmblng twds xtc

^agreeing with sleeping beauty

NAKIE! I agree, I think to may people let life carry them and just let it happen. We need to take control and LIVE IT. Good Luck its hard to do.

Twinkles

*hpmh* I am 23, and going to be 24 in 3 short months, to the day almost, and sadly, I am still whinning about college and an undergrad. 😛 ehh, it’s my own fault, in taking a year off, and then changing majors, but I feel like an old lady most of the time.

awww! *hufs* you know I’m here for you.. right?? Katy ~

ryn: yes god forbid. i hate bush. i love the “anyone but bush in 2004”. god help us if he gets re-elected. ugh.

Okay, don’t drop out. Do what you want, and I’d be the first to understand doing something that makes you miserable. I love being miserable.

i think i can relate to you most about the whole ‘floating through life’ thing. i too often wish things were different, more exciting but usually they arent. however, everyone that lives in this world is bound in one way or another. its almost like some ironic connotation suggesting that life is all about kinky sex. we’re all bound & gagged. *shrugs* have a day 🙂

well would you look at that. we’ve finally discovered the meaning of life 🙂 you’re definitely a cool kid, mister timmy. IM me sometime – ritsuko sakuraxo

though you may not have declared a major, it appears (though I don’t know for sure) that you are studying toward a major. I am not actually declared a biology major yet – have to do that soon! – however I am studying towards it.

for my major, there are only 4 core classes that need to be taken, 3 lower div courses and 3 electives. I am a jr/sr but have only had 2 low div courses and 1 elective, so don’t feel too badly. I plan on taking 3 core classes next semester, seeing as I *should* complete my prereqs this semester. Meh. Do you *want* CS? Or is that just what your father would like? Just curious.

though you are good with normal CS stuff (maybe not classwise)but maybe go with the other degree? Just a thought.

How is it possible for *everything* to hate you? Here is a small idea, as apposed to pressuring yourself to decide on something, what about letting it go. If I recall, you father said you could take a break. Do you think, if you were to take a break, would you go back? Would you *want* to go back? My break did all the world for me, knowing I would be back. No one believed me but my immediate

family. After I do graduate from here, I also have decided the stress isn’t worth it for my master program, so I will take a year before I go there also. This time, people think it is a wise decision. No one says you have to do what you are doing. It is an option. Look into you, and see what would make you more happy. Good luck! if you ever need to talk, SSUTwinks on AIM.