Menstrual Blood.
Status Report
- Wearing: Ozzy shirt. You know, he made music back in the day. Blue boxers, black jeans, white socks, Tuggy.
WinAmp is Playing: I Lost On Jeopardy – Weird Al Yankovic
Last ate: California Wrap, or so they call it.
Last round of masturbation: Last night.
Entry Start Time: 5:23 PM
Based on Esther’s “Senses”.
Getting out of Philosophy of Science Fiction, I noticed some people who were smoking. I said to myself, “They’re slaves to an industry.” Then I said to myself, “Gee, Timmy, you’re a slave to Lisa Electron.” You know what? We’re all slaves. We’re slaves to our need to eat. We’re slaves to our need for human affection. We’re slaves to our likes and dislikes, our desires, our whim. We’re slaves to our need for air. Nobody can say, “Fuck this dependence on oxygen, I’m going to stop breathing!” Well, unless he or she intended to expire. *chuckles*
We are slaves to ourselves.
It’s great being your own bitch, isn’t it? “Timmy, you’re going to eat that donut, and YOU’RE GOING TO LIKE IT, BITCH.” Mmmmmm.. forbidden donut.. *drools*
I need to start writing down my ideas on napkins again. I had three primary disconnected ideas for this entries, and the third is escaping me. Or maybe it hasn’t.
On both busrides today (where I sat down), I found myself next to a girl. I almost hate it that happens because I suddenly get so damn self-conscious. *chuckles* And I think to myself, “This girl probably doesn’t realize just how beautiful she is.” Okay, maybe some of you recognize the effect you can have on us, but maybe not to the level of sheer admiration that I can reach.
Somehow, I got Big Poppa stuck in my head the other day. So I downloaded it. I love it when you call me Big Poppa, throw your hands in the air if yous true playah …And Hypnotize. *laughs* I couldn’t escape that song if I tried. When was it? I want to say 8th grade, but I remember it also Freshman Year. The refrain is easy, but the rest of the song looks difficult. I can only hope to pull a Weird Al. Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, can’t you see? Sometimes your words just hypnotize me…
I find it’s always a struggle awake in my Programming Languages class. No matter how much sleep I get, I always find myself having to not pay attention to keep myself awake. It makes sense, trust me. If I listen to him, it’s like a hypnotnic tape designed to put you to sleep. And the way he dims the lights for the overhead is just PERFECT for falling asleep. A lot of people don’t even bother being courteous about it, and just GOTO sleep. I do, sometimes. Know how I keep myself awake? I play with my hair. I swear it, ALWAYS works. I just run my fingers through it, and basically make as if I’m checking for split ends. (Nope, none that I can detect.) If I REALLY need to keep myself awake, I braid it, one way or another. The strange thing is that I’m usually pretty awake in my first period. I only fall asleep in my first period if I’m REALLY REALLY REALLY tired. Maybe I just need a siesta in the afternoon or something.
Before class(es), I ate food and jews. As usual, I was in the TV room. Ah, I love trashy talk shows. Didn’t Maury used to be respectable? He WISHES he could be Springer. Today’s was “I think my mom is fucking my fiance.” *laughs* I was cracking jokes through it. Well, to myself. I do tend to have a big mouth.
So commercials came. There was a tampon commercial. Now, if you know anything about me, I’m completely comfortable with the menstrual cycle, doesn’t bother me a bit. I couldn’t help but note how open commercials have become. I remember seeing douche commercials as a kid without ever knowing what the hell they were talking about. Summer’s Eve and the like. Now feminine hygiene commercials will come right out and talk about HOW HEAVY YOUR FLOW IS. (Again, this doesn’t bother me. But. It amuses me.)
It amuses me how, if it weren’t for commercials, I really wouldn’t know anything about pads or tampons. If it weren’t for those wonderful visuals, would I really know what pads with wings are? I doubt it. This is a testament to how effective advertising is. I’m single. I’m male. (Meaning, I don’t menstruate.) I’ve never held a girl for longer than one moon cycle, and certainly not long enough where she might start pulling favors and ask me to buy her some tampons. I have no need to know about tampons and pads, beyond needing to know about it in the future. Or just being as comfortable with the whole thing as I am. Do I need to explain this further? I’m not the target audience, yet I know about Playtex Gentle Guide. Oh yes.
Though, no amount of advertising can explain how I know about http://www.softcup.com.
I can imagine the commercials of the future. Two girls get into stalls next to each other. All you see are the legs.
Girl on the left exclaims, “Fuck, my menstrual flow is so heavy today!”
Girl on the right replies, “Mine, too. That’s why I’m glad I’ve got UBERTAMPONS.”
“UBERTAMPONS? What are those?”
“When all that blood flowing out of you feels like Niagara Falls, these little wonders act like the Hoover Dam. Girl, you gotta try one.”
Girl on the right slips one to the girl on the left, under the partition.
“It looks like it can soak up a lot of that blood.”
“Oh, it does more than that. It takes that blood and converts it into hydroelectric power, which powers a small flushable vibrator in the core of the tampon. Hands-free masturbation!”
“Fucking godsend, I always get so horny when I’m bleeding.”
“The more you bleed, the more you orgasm. Which eases those horrible cramps.”
….
Um. Yeah. I’ve always wondered if they’d ever make a nose-tampon. I hate it when I get nose-bleeds. *blushes* Yeah, I’m a nose-bleeding geek like that.
I should call my dad about shit. But. I haven’t a clue as to what I’d say to him. I register Wednesday night at midnight. It’s to be seen what I’ll do.
The guitar solo on Stairway to Heaven seem so short. I’ve been spoiled by listening to And Justice For All lately.
Hmm.
Go tell this little monkey about how I’m known for my red notes.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, duh. What the fuck is with this weather? It was in the 70’s today. Warm, cold, warm, cold. MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND. People were wearing shorts today. Caught me completely off-guard. Guess I just got into the habit of wearing my leather jacket around, even if unzipped. But, it’s too warm for even that, I went back to my dorm room after eating to drop it off. (Then headed straight for the bus stop, if you know how I usually operate.)
Yeah.
It really saddens me just how many stereotypical black girls there are around here. I really try to ignore stereotypes. I try. I say, “These people are individuals and should be treated and such.” But. But. Fuck, it’s like most black people study BET or something. STOP TALKING LIKE THAT. The only blaring exception to this has been Lloyd, but that’s just because he kicks so much ass.
Yeah.
Hi.
Oh god…don’t mention black people..cause there’s this one boy…*droooool* um, yeah, menstrual blood. I don’t remember that shit CAUSE I DONT HAVE PERIODS ANYMORE HAHAHAHAHAH I have beat the system.
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Your tampon commercial is AWESOME. And I’m a slave to oxygen because my body requires it to function. Cigarettes are a choice.
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Oh wow. This entry had me laughing for the longest time, LOL… love the tampon commercial and the B.I.G. song, that was great. Did you tell that girl that she was beautiful?
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“I’m completely comfortable with the menstrual cycle” Good. Want mine? ‘Cause I’m about as comfortable with it as I’d be with a room full of rabid monkeys.
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lol i like your idea for a commercial! randomosity is good! RYN: I told her the red notes are yours! I did tell her they were yours. And I guess I figured I must have left you notes cuz I read a lot of your stuff, but when I looked at my note history I hadn’t, so I felt dumb for saying that you didn’t like me cuz u never responded. But there was nothing to respond to…so I feel dumb. *~*
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This is hilarious. Mmmm…red wings again…not that I would sample such a little-understood delicacy. :: emits penis :: You are a slave, Neo.
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Next time you get a nosebleed, cut a tampon in half and plug your nose with each piece. Basketball players do it all the time. Seriously. Trivia. Be well,
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Oh and P.S., I would be confused as all hell if I got a red note from anybody but you. Be well,
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you’re against…groups of friends? *cocks an eyebrow*
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everytime i see evil peanut’s name, i laugh. anyway… you should have said that. getting genuine compliments like that rock!
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I smoked for 10 years, until I made the decision to quit. That was my choice. Both of my parents and my step-parent smoked for a lot longer than I did before they made the choice to quit. I’ve known many people who have chosen to quit smoking. Some people choose to smoke. These people are self-destructive, just as I was self-destructive for many years. It is their choice to destroy their >>
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I’m bleeding as I’m reading this. Stupid reproductive organs.
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own bodies. When they are ready to make a conscious decision to stop, they will stop. Or they won’t, as they see fit. Re: “Bitch you out” You’re welcome to try, but I will probably just block you, as I don’t appreciate being bitched out. If, however, you’re interested in intelligent conversation, have at it.
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ryn: Thanks 🙂 I don’t have a problem with people carrying their cell phones on the bus or anywhere else, just when they have loud inconsiderate conversations. what do I care what they carry around?
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Hmph, here’s something amusing. I went to the link you provided and noticed that you had an entry that was titled “How to sleep naked with a roommate”….which struck me as something I had seen before….sure enough, I visited the entry and saw that I had indeed left a note on that entry….in red. However, it was under the alias Broken|Image, which is another of my diaries..
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hmm i could use an ubertampon.. but enough about down there.. oh how you amuse me! *bats eyelashes*
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….funny. In any case, I doubt you will convince me to stop using red notes considering I have always used red notes….this reminds me of a message board I was on once where I was banned for writing in red. Anyway, I will continue to read what you write for the simple fact that it amuses me. If you have a problem with this, oh well 🙂 The Almighty
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Hahahaha ubertampons….and I see that I am apart of your entry….I feel….honored. The Almighty
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Oh, by the way, it’s monkay. If you’re going to present me in your entry, do it right. 🙂 The Almighty
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Mmm nicotine. I’m a slave to nicotine, but not to the industry man. I say screw Phillip Morris, screw RJR, I MAKE MY OWN CANCER STICKS! That way I can put herbs in with the tobacco (And no, by herbs I *don’t* mean pot). But anyway. Tampons are alright, some of my friends use The Keeper, which to be honest, is just kinda gross.
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::Leans head to the side, falling into Timmys hypnotic vibe:: LOL
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Not to get nitpicky, but it’s Gentle Glide… not Guide. *ahem* I’m bleeding right now!
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I can’t believe somebody else is using red notes. How dare she. And you have a very good tampon idea there. That would definately sell.
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I saw your note on Meridian’s diary so I thought I’d step in and defend cell phone usage on a bus. If someone has a cell phone somewhere that is justified (i.e., environment where conventional phones aren’t, well, convenient), then they get on a bus, they have a cell phone with them while they’re on a bus. Ta da!
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The thing with cell phones is that they can come in extremely handy in emergencies. Yes, some people act like they’re all important because they have a cell phone (I HATE the people who have the hand-free setup and seem like they’re talking to themselves). But hell, I have a cell phone, and I don’t even use it when I’m not in school. So my point, I guess, is that you should never eat sand.
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Honestly, I forgot what my point was. I just started typing and my mind went away into a parallel universe for a bit, so I was just sort of sitting here typing while going “guuhuigugyugHGVBUYFVGVASJHgyhbikHG” and drooling like there was no tomorrow. Now what the hell am I talking about? I dunno. I’ll shut up now.
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Even if you’re dead, you’re a slave to the fact that you’re dead. You can’t die, then suddenly go “I wanna stop being dead!” Well, unless you’re Dick Cheney. He’s been clinically dead, what, 10, 20 times now? Then there’s “people” like Michael Jackson, Joan Rivers, and Cher, who consist of so little organic matter that they are no longer technically alive.
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Didn’t I say I was gonna shut up? Sorry.
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holy shit, now arent you admired by the masses. Think you have enough notes on this entry? I’ll add to them. Dude, you rock my invisible pippy longstocking-esque socks. Sort of. I dont really know you. How about this: You have a pretty diary facade (with the squiggle on the c) and a very humourous one as well. (damn the british and their spelling) I’m running out of characters, so ta ta! -La Rosa
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I figured it was a typo. ;P
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RYN: My penis is covered by chitinous shell. Comes in quite handy, as you can no doubt imagine.
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Now I have those songs stuck in my head, thanks. <3
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RYN: I think you meant: “They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.”… Someone I know is selling logowear with that quotation, via CafePress. And personally, I love that quotation. Thanks for the note. I’m now skimming your OD.
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Yeah, you should stick with Playtex Gentle Glide. They are the best! 😉 Those new Tampax Pearl tampons can imitate all they want and add stupid new pointless “features” like the padded string, but they aren’t a Playtex Gentle Glide… Although I am considering switching, since plastic is bad for the environment… What do you think about Silk Glide?? 😛 You kick ass… Keep kickin.
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PS: Same as Band Candy, I’m currently in the red. 😉 And yes, it’s a Playtex Gentle Glide… (Down with the environment!!! ;)) But on a second note, have you ever read any of AuralFilteredStatic? Definitely not the typical black stereotype. 🙂
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“It’s been a long time since I really believed in a girl.” What did you mean by that, exactly? I’m a tad confused. Enlighten me, Freud! -La Rosa
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Cryptic little fiend you are, eh? Hmm. I shall uncover the truth begind the mysticness and prevail mightily! *big scary laugh* That wasnt necessary, but was put there for your enjoyment. Try the happy meal. Have a nice day. -La Rosa note: dont respond to notes after midnight. You end up with comments like the above. verging on trippy.
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C’mon Timmy! You know you want shake your booty. I think there was some famous Animal House/Meatballs type movie with some guy with tampons up his nose. Seriously stopping the flow.
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Damn I gotta go to bed! But I’m leaving this as a marker to remind me I had something else to say. Hmph. *poofs*
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tampon/pad commercials have yet to say the word “blood.” that’ll be a red letter day. hurr de hurr. i kill me. and hmmm, if YOU know that girls get hornier on their periods, then it must be common among females. so i’m not the only one, thank god. sad how i learn that from you. -shakes head-
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A funny thing you might want to check out, there is such a thing as a vibrating tampon. It’s supposed to ease cramps. It’s called a Vipon. Here’s a site that’s interesting, they put in the same category as staplers. http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/10.12/start.html?pg=13
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Hee hee.
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*grin* Oh, I can see it now! The shops would sell out of those in an instant! You know, yellow and aqua go real nice with my purple background. Red still makes my eyes want to bleed! Can you not compromise with a different shade of red? There must be one that does not come out such a screaming clash? Catch you later mate,
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The comercial cracked me up. Totally agree with ya on the black people comment too. Um, yeah, I think that’s it. Later days.
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Timmy, you’re a loon. A well-informed loon, but a loon nonetheless. Oh, and you might want to go ahead & get your tampon idea patented because you never know.
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i wore shorts today. i’m one of those crazy people who catches you offguard. 😀 THIS ENTRY WAS SO DISJOINTED! jumpy all around. timmy, timmy, where’s your usual structure?
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I remember the days when Maury wasn’t so trashy.
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I think you’re my new hero.
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Hey Timmy, I like your commercial.
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All of this tampon talk is making my uterus hurt. Ouch. =/
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