Third Year Anniversary, Part I

I’m big on dates. Some dates I remember because something emotional happened that day and it’s just burned into my memory. Other dates I like to remember simply for the fun of it. Today, September 18th, would be of the later variety. Today is the third year anniversary of the first time Princess and I talked online. I wrote an entry last year, which I purposely avoided reading before writing this. If there’s overlap, so be it. I forget what I wrote, and I’m not sure how I’m going to write this now.

She would say we had a science class together in sixth grade. She said I was on the left side of the classroom. This is true – I was on the left side. And I believe we had the same teacher. It’s very possible that we were in the class but we never formally met or even spoke to each other.

We had Chem Honors together, Junior Year. I suppose that would be when we first met. I suppose it was no more than us just being in the same class. We didn’t really speak to each other until towards the end of the year. She knew about that thing between *mumbles name* Shannon and I, and made sure I asked her out. After Shannon dumped me, Princess and I would walk around the track now and then. I suppose, at the time, it was mostly her talking and me listening. I remember how she’d regularly ask me for a hair-tie. It was so cute how apologetic she’d be. I didn’t mind, I always carried a spare for myself. Actually, I started carrying a spare hair-tie specifically for her. *smirks*

Senior Year, we had Calc and AP Physics together. Let’s just say they aren’t her best subjects. It actually wasn’t my idea to contact her outside of school. It was Mister Gounaud’s idea, our Physics teacher. I believe she gave me an email with an @aol.com at the end. My mind said, “Ah ha! I can IM her.” I have a ton of old conversations archived. It’s insane how much my style of talking has changed. I IMed her during the last days of my former primary SN. (Actually, I had just retired my original SN. I used another SN as my primary until about May, when after holding a poll in my profile, I went with my current SN.) Our first conversation, I threw out this topic:

Timmy: hey
Princess: hi
Timmy: mind if I bug you for a bit?
Princess: nope
Timmy: I want to ask you
something….it may seem like it’s a lil out of nowhere, but ….what does love feel like?
Princess: it’s an amazing feeling…
Timmy: could you…explain
what is was like for you? I have my reasons.
Princess: I was on cloud 9 for forever, just being with the guy made me happy…even if he just smiled at me

I remember my reasons for asking that – I won’t go into it. When I think about the little things we talked about, it seems so long ago. She remembers asking me if she could call me “Timmy”. I told her the only person who calls me that is my sister. I like being called Timmy, it makes me feel young and pure.

We were both taking Human Behavior (Basically intro to psych 101), though we weren’t in the same class. We did a TON of quizzes in that class. Oh man, you quizwhores would get wet between the legs at the things we did. So, one of the ones we did was one that told us whether we were feminine or masculine. (I know, FallingDog, they don’t mean much.) It said for me that I was slightly feminine. (This was further reinforced by everything else that said I was feminine. Nothing said masculine, ever.) Her? Hers was off the scale in the feminine direction. Her teacher told her that made her a princess. We discussed this online, naturally. And thus was born the nickname Princess. (Also, for a time, I reversed the letters in her name and called her that. But, nevermind that.)

Wasn’t long before we talked online daily. I saw her as somebody I’d like to be friends with. I actually thought I was too much for her. I remember telling her how she didn’t know the whole me. I used to censor myself a lot. I’d hide myself. I admired her, as a person. I still do. I didn’t want her to see something about me she didn’t like, and spaz out. It’s taken a long time for me to get over that.

I’ll admit it, I had a crush on her back in the day. I didn’t show it at all, I was afraid it would freak her out. We got more comfortable, as friends, it was clearly obvious that there was no way she’d reciprocate. I thought I could ignore it, maybe it would go away on it’s own. I remember sitting next to her in calc and just… being near her made me feel nice. Eventually, I decided I had to do something about it. I figured I’d tell her and just let whatever happen, happen. Due to certain circumstances, I ended up telling her online. Believe me, it was for the best. I told her, she let me down easy, and we continued talking as if I hadn’t said anything. The crush I had quickly evaporated. We’ve never really spoken of it, since. Most of the time, I forget I ever did like her. I’m sure she’s easily forgotten.

“In time, all things become declassified.” – Timmy. But, nevermind that little bit.