Little Jew Pork Rinds

Last night as I was driving to Illinois yet again, Allie and I were having another one of our phone conversations gone awry. Or perhaps it was just another one of the conversations that went far into the twilight zone of strangeness.

Somehow we were talking about all the strange people who live in Africa. You know, the ones who stretch their necks, or put wooden plates in their lips and ears, and the ones who do female circumcision.

The thing about circumcision though led a thought to pop into my head. You see, in the Bible God created man. In fact, in the very first chapter of the Bible God created man and he had a foreskin on his wiener. Then, a mere sixteen chapters later God commands the Jews (well, Abraham who is the father of all the Jews) to cut their foreskin off. I wonder if he suddenly thought, “You know, the whole foreskin thing just isn’t working for me. Ok boys, time to snip it.”

So I was thinking…what exactly DO they do with the foreskins from all the little boys who get snipped? I mean…it’d be a shame to let them all go to waste. They could be collected and turned into like…food. They could be called Little Jew Pork Rinds.

Then Allie posed a really good question; why exactly IS it called a foreskin?

When I was a boy I heard about foreskins in Bible class at school, since I went to a Lutheran school. There were battles where after the Jews won they would go and cut the foreskins off all the dudes they killed, so for years I thought that cutting someone’s foreskin off was like scalping someone like Indians did.

I wonder if perhaps the word “foreskin” is actually a Hebrew word that they didn’t translate into English when they translated the Bible, and so it stuck. I think they could’ve come up with a better name for it though. I was trying to think of some last night but the only one I can remember is the one I think was my best idea.

I would call it the “peekaboo.”

Seriously, it fits. Yes, parents would have to find a different game to play with their infant children, and that Olympic ski chick might wanna change her name, but other than that I think it would be a big vocabulary improvement.

Anyhow, I know this is stupid and it sucks….but I have nothing more to say.

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“Once there was this boy whose
Parents made him come directly home right after school
And when they went to their church
He shook and lurched all over the church floor.”
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