Metamorphosis

When I was in kindergarten my teacher surprised the class one day by bringing in what looked like the bottom half of a box, and a plastic square that fit over the top. She had us collect some sticks and leaves while we were out at recess, and then put what looked like a small Petri dish of creamy peanut butter in the little cube.

She said that if we were patient, something magical would happen.

All the kids in class watched that little cube, hoping to be the first one to see what was going to take place.

One day when we got to class, something was different. There were little worms crawling around in the peanut butter (which wasn’t really peanut butter). Those worms grew into caterpillars, which in turn spun cocoons on the sticks that we had placed in there.

It seemed like the “magic” was over, until instead of learning our Letter Friends she had us all gather around and we watched as something was trying to break out of a cocoon.

At first it was hard to see anything happening. There were movements that were so small we would’ve missed them if she didn’t have us watching it so closely. Yet slowly, the cocoon began to tear and something began to crawl out. There, right before our eyes, we were watching a butterfly appear from a cocoon that a caterpillar had crawled into a few days before.

None of us could really explain what had taken place in the cocoon to make a fat, ugly caterpillar change into a butterfly that would be able to freely roam the skies. In fact, Ms. Summers couldn’t explain it either. Although I’m sure scientists have found ways of figuring out exactly what took place to cause the change, all she could tell us was that it was one of God’s little miracles (yes, it was a Lutheran school).

In a way, it kind of seems like that’s a decent description of my life (the butterfly thing, not the little miracle).

For the vast majority of my life, I’ve done what I wanted. For most of my 27 years I’ve never really cared about anyone or anything, and how I’ve lived my life has done a good job of proving that. I’ve spent a long time eating and getting fat off of all that my mindless self-indulgence could feed me with.

However, things are a bit different now; my cocoon is beginning to tear open.

All it took was for me to find one person to really care about, and suddenly all sorts of things that never mattered to me before began to matter. Being responsible, being dependable, taking care of myself, and I think most of all…being a good person.

There are some parts of me that I wouldn’t trade for the world, because they’re who I am and I kind of like me that way. Yet, there are quite a few things about me that I want to either change, or get rid of all-together.

I know I’ll never deserve You, but I want to be the kind of man You deserve to have. I want to be the provider, I want to be the protector. I want to be the one who makes You laugh, and share our deepest secrets. I want to be the one You run to when You don’t know what to do, I want to be the one who makes things better. I want to be the one who holds You tight and keeps fear away, I want to be the one who is always there for You. I want to be the one who helps You see yourself in truth, and the one who helps You become who you can be. I want to be there when You laugh and when You cry, when You fall asleep and when You wake up, when You’re stressed out and when You’re relaxed, when You have good days and when You have bad ones. I want to be the one You share your life with.

Sometimes I feel claustrophobic here in my cocoon. I want so bad for it to be time for me to break out and be free…but alas, I still have a while to wait.

I can’t wait for the day when we can be free.

272 days to be exact 😉

*
“Better watch out when we’re all alone.
Heaven is a girl I know so well
She makes me feel good when I feel like hell
Heaven is a girl that I’ve got to have,
And she makes me feel better when I’m feelin’ bad
Heaven is a girl that makes dreams come true
And no one does it good like Heaven do
Heaven is a girl that I’ve got to have,
She makes me feel good when I feel like hell
Heaven is a girl, she makes dreams come true
And no one does it good like Heaven do.”
*
Def Leppard