News

You know, as I’ve said many times before I’m sick of constantly hearing about Iraq and about budget deficits, so on my way back to the dock tonight I paid extra careful attention to all the news stories that didn’t pertain to the two subjects mentioned above. Most of those stories turned out to be stupid.

First, that chick out in Utah that was kidnapped like nine months ago was found alive. Very rare that things like that happen anymore (finding kidnap victims alive after being taken by people other than “friends” or relatives), so I suppose that’s pretty good for those people. Although no one has talked about what that girl went through, so she may (and probably will) be damaged for life.

The second story was a “tragic” (yes, they did call it that, and I think it’s fricking retarded that they use that word at all, as I’ve said before) tale of a local high school hockey game. It was a fierce, heated battle and at the end the home team won. The fans were cheering and having a blast when one of the visiting team members, after skating through all the cups and garbage that were being thrown onto the ice, “allegedly” intentionally hit a hockey puck into the home team’s stand. The puck nailed some dude in the head and the guy was blacked out for five minutes and has a bump that he says he’ll have for the rest of his life. The teen has been charged with felony assault.

Story number three was a continuation of a local story that has been going since Halloween. On Halloween a local college student disappeared. Three other college students also disappeared within a month of each other, so people suspected a link. The police never had any proof of anything, or really even any ideas. Last week some people out for a nature walk spotted this guy’s body floating in the Mississippi river. Well, to add a little emotional “Awwwwwww…” to a rather “tragic” (of course it is. You know it is) story, the University of Minnesota decided to let the guy graduate anyway. His sister is going to accept the diploma for him.

And this is the kind of stuff that would be totally permeating the local Minneapolis area airwaves if it weren’t for Iraq and budget deficits.

Amazing isn’t it? I really wish I could ask the people at the U what the hell they’re trying to accomplish by graduating a dead kid. Is that just a way to get the rest of their tuition money? Cause the kid sure isn’t going to need a diploma anymore.

People are so retarded.

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“For every sin there’s a time to burn

It’s near too late, so don’t press your luck

Now focus-do you really know what I mean?

And do you really think you’ll be forgiven?

Cause I think I’m fucked.”

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