Almost Famous

You know, sometimes I hate things that get me wishing. I hate things that get me lost inside my head in a place where I can conceive millions of things that would be so cool and so perfect, if only they were reality.

I was watching the movie Almost Famous tonight and it got me into one of those moods. It got me thinking about just how cool it would be to be in that movie if it was real life. There’s just something about the whole thing that appeals to me. A bunch of people whose lives apart are either normal or suck, brought together by music and stuff. Eventually they become their own little mini-culture, and although they all have their own crap to face, there’s still a happy ending that almost wasn’t. And everything turns out right.

As hopeless as I sound sometimes (or most of the time), it may surprise people to know that there are things that I hope and wish for. The part that sucks is that I have a tendency to hope and wish for things that can never become reality.

So instead I just go on autopilot. I go through the motions of waking up and going to work every day, making money, paying taxes, being a productive member of society. All the while, when my subconscious isn’t making me think about the crap that usually ends up in here, I escape into the perfect little worlds and universes that are as vast as the space between my ears.

I think that being able to dream is almost more of a curse than anything. True, if people couldn’t dream we probably wouldn’t have much ambition (although maybe that wouldn’t be a bad thing). But how many people have dreams that will never be realized? How many people will die with their dreams still remaining dreams?

Maybe I just subconsciously love the mental self-abuse. I like things like this movie that make me wish I could be there, and I hate myself for thinking that because I know it’ll never happen.

Amazing how fast a glimmer of happiness and hope can dissolve into the cesspool of reality.

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“When I’m hiding, when I need it

It lets me breathe

For our handle on this life I don’t believe-

This time

*

Would you look at me now?

Can you tell I’m a man?

With these scars on my wrists

To prove I’ll try again.”

*

Pantera