Cypher

Well I had my 3rd trip to the dentist today in the last 3 days. I don’t think I can ever stress how much easier to go to the dentist when, besides the fact that she’s hot, she’s just totally cool. She jokes around, doesn’t talk about stupid crap like the weather or my teeth (both of which are subjects I know plenty about), and is good at what she does.

I don’t think I’ve really actually talked about the dental assistants yet, because there are three or four that work with my dentist and they tend to rotate. But the dental assistants are much like my dentist; hot, funny, talkative in a good way, and seem to know their stuff.

God, whoever does the hiring there better get some FAT Christmas bonuses or something.

But yeah, who would’ve thought that someday I’d be the whack who would end up being in a good mood from going to the dentist? I suppose stranger things have happened…or maybe not.

It’s a good thing I drive a semi instead of writing daily opinion/editorials for a newspaper, cause on days like today I’d be going nuts trying to think of something to write. Besides, I doubt much of the general population would want to hear anything I have to say. If people actually started realizing even some of the things I’ve realized and written about (I mean if they were to really, truly grasp it) people would probably be trying to sue me for making them depressed, or cause their kids were killing themselves, or something like that.

Notice a mood swing there? I did. I think I just realized that my trip to the dentist was over about 11 hours ago, so now I’m back to my old self.

Many people see lots of symbolism when they watch the movie The Matrix, and I suppose I’m one of them. One of the other things I notice though is Cypher. Cypher is a guy who was brought out of the artificial reality that everyone was duped into thinking was “real” life. In fact, he was brought into the actual “real” world against his will, and after being there a while found that he hated it, despised it, and hated and despised those who brought him there. He was willing to do anything to go back to the state he was in before his “awakening.”

Even though Cypher knew that the world he longed to go back to was nothing more than artificial electrical impulses generated by a computer and interpreted by his brain, he decided that it would be better to be there than to be where he had been brought after being “saved.”

I see a lot of that in me in a way. And to be honest, if I could have the chance to go back to where I was before I was brought into this reality, I think I would do anything to go back there.

I don’t think that I’m really sad, or even terribly depressed. I think my whole dislike for everything is because I can see how futile it all is, and I hate being bound to a futile existence. Even if I were to do something to “make a difference,” I still wouldn’t be doing squat in the grand scheme of things.

If I were a doctor I could console myself with the fact that I made people better and prolonged their lives. But in the end, I wouldn’t be able to do that forever. Eventually each person I’d try to help would reach a point where all of my best efforts would be wasted and they’d die anyways.

If I were into humanitarian causes I could fight for the “have-nots” in an effort to give everyone a better standard of living. But in the end, all that wouldn’t matter either because all the people I was trying so hard to help would eventually die.

I could do something immensely important, like maybe help draft a peace between the Palestinians and Israelis and think that I’d done something to help all of mankind and that I’d be remembered and that people would be grateful to me forever. The only problem with that is that humanity can’t last forever. We won’t.

There will come a day when the last human being takes their last breath, and when they exhale every hope, every dream, every aspiration, every love, every fear, every tear, and everything that was the culmination of the once-great thing called humanity will be lost forever-never remembered and never missed.

So, no matter what you do, or try, or hope for, if you look far enough down the timeline it turns out to be pointless.

I think that’s the thing I hate the most about life. Well, that and the fact that I was brought here and had no say in the whole deal. And the fact that as much as I have (and sometimes still do, but not nearly as much as I used to) wanted to know if there is something more out there, God or whatever, I continually draw blanks.

Although I suppose if I look far enough down the timeline, none of this will matter either. Eventually I’ll be dead and it won’t matter if I was happy or not. It won’t matter if I ever searched for answers or not, or if I found them or not. I’ll slowly (or maybe not so slowly, depending on how I go) be reduced to the bare molecules and atoms that I really am.

The chemicals will be broken down into molecules, then the molecular bonds will be broken and I will be a random dispersal of atoms, ready to be made into something new. Or to be turned into nothing.

Who knows?

Anyhow, since I was at the dentist so much this week…

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“Blacken the sun

What have I done?

I feel so bad

I feel so numb

Blacken the sun

What have I done?

I feel so good

I feel so numb”

Rob Zombie

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(PS-Not bad for starting out drawing a blank, huh?)