February 1, 2003

Isolophobia

Dont really have a whole lot to write about tonight. No revelations that I astonish myself with. No stabs at religion or trying to find out the meaning of life (although I doubt there is one).

Todays entry is something I was thinking about while I was cleaning my bedroom.

See, Im 24 and me and my brother (who is 17, a high school senior, and my best bud who will be shipping off to army boot camp in July) have the basement in my parents house. I know, Im a looser for living with my parents, but I just havent been too highly motivated to leave.

I do realize that its kind of time for me to be moving on, especially since I make almost as much as my dad does. So Im in the process of saving some money for a down payment on a house, and trying to figure out what I want and where I want to live and all that.

I do pay rent though, so its not like Im totally mooching off my folks (I know, that was a try at making myself not appear to be as much of a looser as I am).

I was vacuuming and I realized just how alone Im going to be once I move out. The only person I really hang out with on a regular basis is my brother. I kind of ditched all my friends a few times, for different reasons (see my entry titled Regret for the scoop on all that).

In a way its weird because a lot of times I just cant stand being around people, and yet part of me wants to be around them. I dunno, maybe Im just a human oxymoron, contradiction, paradox, or something to that effect.

But yeah, Im gonna be kind of alone. In a way Im kind of curious how Ill handle it. Will I find constructive things to do? Its doubtful, since Im not the most constructive person, but I suppose theres always a chance. Or maybe Ill just be one of those people who works and then goes home and wastes their time away alone because they have nothing better to do. One of those people that will be dying some day and think back on all that could have been and kick myself over and over.

Oh well, Im sure if you stay tuned here eventually youll all find out how this turns out.

PS- Isolophobia is the fear of solitude or being alone.

You say hold on,

but I feel like Im slipping away.- Trust Company

Pre-Ex-Girlfriend

February 2, 2003

Hey! I have a wonderful fantabulous stupendous idea:oD See, you should move to IL and then we’d NEVER let you be alone. Wouldnt that be great? I think so! You are NOT a loser for living at home. Frankly I wouldnt wanna move out and be alone either…And Nate shouldnt go off to army. :’o( Welp, thats all I’ve got for now…yay! first note!! love ya! buh-bye

You’re not a loser for living with your parents still. There is no rule for when you have to be out. I can really relate to the loneliness factor now that I am on my own – however my situation is because all my friends and family are in FL.. It will definitely be quite a change, especially if you are by yourself. But I am sure it will be quite the learning experience and challenge.

We’re kind of/will be in the same boat. I’m going to be 22 and mooching off my mother. *sighs* It sucks but you know what–you gotta do what you gotta do. I’m not afraid of being alone but then again I don’t particularly like it either. I think we’re all human oxymorons though. I know I am. Take care. 🙂

Simply Me

ryn: Yeah, it was cool, too bad i didnt check my notes again before i signed off. You’ll move out when you’re ready, i wouldnt worry about it to much. Nothing says that because you move that you have to ditch your brother, and you’ll make friends… Hope you have a great day tomorrow….

wow finally a name for my condition! I’m an isolophobic, woohoo. yeah i hear you on this one, if W weren’t moving in with me i don’t really know where i would start…but you have to start somewhere, and I promise that if you want people around they will more than likely show up. Then you can be annoyed instead of lonely!YAY-