GIVE ME SPLENDID SILENT SUN

“Give me splendid silent sun”

Walt Whitman

I’m escaping! Listening to one of my favorite bands:

The GOO GOO DOLLS

I need some SOUL cheer today.

I just couldn’t go with my husband and daughter to the cabin this weekend. I know that nature is my medicine and all but Swirly Girl needs some alone time to herself. It’s the medicine that my soul needs right now. My husband thinks I should take the happy pills, I looked at him and said “it’s ok if a cry, it’s healthy and normal to cry”. It’s ok if a shed tears once and a while. He thinks if a person cries they are weak. I have never seen him cry-not once. Lately, the tears started flowing just out of the blue but now they come every day, something that is said or done triggers my tears. My sister “marathon newbie sister” called to chat me up the other day. She mentioned, (no she accidentally let it slipped out) that the girls are going to cabo again. I was really taken back by this because nobody informed me there was another “girls trip” planned for this year. Apparently they just assumed I wasn’t able to go this year. THEY DIDN’T EVEN ASK ME. This hurt so much. Gawd, the tears are coming out again-it’s really hard to type when your eyes are all wet and tears are slowly falling down your check and glasses getting all foggy. She went on to say that she bought her plane ticket two months ago. She threw in that Rich sister scored super uber hotel accommodation which is right near our favorite bar, The Office.

My heart sunk, took a nose dive

This hurt so bad, I know my sister didn’t realize how much this affected me because I tried to play it off, it was no big deal, but inside it was a huge heart wrenching S*I*G*H. Now that I’m writing this I just remembered that the girls also went to Tucson in October to go shopping and hanging out for a week at Rich sister’s brand new Third house.

I was left out again

I feel that since my husband and I are struggling so much that people are afraid to include us in activities. It would be really nice if they at least could call me and see if I wanted to go. Give me the benefit of the doubt.

Apparently, I have been diagnosed with a FINANCIAL VIRUS. People don’t want to be around us for fear of rubbing up against us and getting coudies

Shakes head

We live at the end of a cul-de-sac and have neighbors on both sides of us. the neighbor to our left just got his boat re-poed away. The neighbor wasn’t home when it happened. The repo guy went right into the garage, which was opened already, and hauled off with the the grand size super speed boat. Just like that! The second house to the left of us is also in foreclosure. A brand new house without an owner. I watched the Russian builders all summer hard at work building this magnificent house, unfortunately, there are no takers. So now the bank will take over.

I got a call from my doctor’s office. The assistant informed me that I will be receiving a check in the mail for $178.00, It’s a credit because the insurance company paid up. I really really really want to get my hair cut and lites. In style or out of style I need to reward myself I want to start feeling good about myself again. When I look in the mirror I just frown at myself. I want to look in the mirrow and smile again, it’s been awhile.

I don’t want to leave my job and move away. I have a good paying job and have worked there for 5 years now. It would be so hard to leave and start anew. I would not receive the same pay. I’m just trying to listen to my heart.

I’ve beeen looking at my pictures of Cabo 2008–I was so happy there. It’s so so so hard to find my happy now. I’ll leave you with one of my happier momments.