LOSS

My plate is very full and is spilling over unto to the floor. I didn’t take ambien last night –I should have though because I tossed and turned all night. Finally dipped into the bottle and took 1/2 tablet. It was 3am–there really is something about 3am–the witching hour I believe.

Nelly became suddenly ill and I rushed her to my wondrful vet, according to my vet she had multiple problems: kidney failure, massive “hot” infection and was lame from arthritis. Nelly is 88 year old. Rotties don’t have a long life span.

I assisted her across the rainbow bridge

Eddie’s mom came by last night and brought me over a card and poem depicting the “rainbow bridge”. Eddie’s dad picked up the poem from his vet. It was such a nice gesture. I did have a tearful talks with my mother and baby sister. Eddie is trying his best, but all my crying is freaking him out a little.

I miss Nelly so much she was such a loyal dog, even the vet says she was a very good Rotti. It kills me to see her favorite sleeping spot void of her. Catches my breath away, the pain is so sharp. I still hear her barking telling me she wants to come in–eddie tells me he didn’t hear her barking.

It’s really hard to take off the grieving hat and put on my work-miss professional hat. I’m a pretty good fake-many of my co-workers have given me cards, hugs, and many told me of their putting-their-dog to sleep stories. it keeps me going at work but as soon as I get in my car to go home I’m a basketcase.

speaking of work

Work is so stressful for me -It’s not if i will crack under the pressure but when…losing my Best Friend Nelly is the hand that is rocking the cradle. Still no nurses inerviewing. I decided to put myslef back into the 4 on 2 off floor-nursing rotation plus somehow try to wear the hat of the Health Director.

I’m refusing to go down to a marketing training at the compnay head quarters which is 2 1/2 hours away. I’m a nurse not a marketer!!! I don’t think it would be safe for me to be gone for two days, without my family support–sitting in a cold conference room without windows–just not my cup of tea.

Life goes on today…it feels good to write. Eddie and I are taking a road trip to meet with our spiritual leader–the officiate for our wedding. Something for me to look forward to.

spell checker still don’t work