THE LONG WALK

I didn’t plan on Ms Lillian making a change in her rituals just when I master the art of caring for her, she changed the directions on me. You might say she threw me for a loop. Instead of ushering her to health, she wanted me to usher her to death. She wanted to die she was willing her self to die, so determined to die. Refusing to eat, pushing her pills away, refusing to ambulate, “just let me die”. She told me. “It’s my time to go”. In the end of her walk, it turned out to be a battle against her and I a battle with her oxygen. she would pull out her nasal cannula and I would put it back in. The hospice nurse and family were on their way to make decisions on her care. I think the mention of the hospice nurse coming in for a visit scared Ms Lillian. She was way to Obstinate for other people to decide what was best for her. She knew what was best for herself and that was death. She died in my arms minutes before her family and hospice nurse came. Her 100 year old long walk was now finished in her own way.

THE LONG WALK

I liked to run my fingers along her little black leather shoes “Where on earth did her family find such tiny shoes?” I often questioned. The shoes fit perfectly and complemented my tiny 4 foot patient. I handled her with utmost care using my kid gloves afraid to bruise or cause a tear to her paper thin skin. 69 pounds soaking wet just a waif of a woman. Her outward look was deceiving “Dont let her kid you”. I would tell the caregivers, she had the most copious amount of will power and determination than any patient I have ever met. Caring for Ms. Lillian was an honor for me. I knew exactly how she liked things to be done she was very set in her ways. I liked to think that I mastered the art of caring for her. Pills all lined up in a row “this one is for your heart, this one for your thyroid, this one is your stomach pill and this one is your favorite-your pain pill. Black strong coffee, stale donut, or toast with extra butter cut in half. If you missed a step in her morning routine, she would become anxious and frustrated. I learned to get all the steps right and keep her happy.