The Hits Just Keep On Coming. . .

It has been SOME two days. The second I get into work Monday morning, the first thing my boss says is “Have you read your E-mails yet?”. Uhhhhh – no, why, should I have? She asks me to read my E-mails and then let her know as soon as I am done. Never a good sign.

So, I find the E-mail from the CEO that came out Friday afternoon around 4:30 (I left early for a hair cut appt) and open the attached memo to the firm. It has been decided that the department that JUST hired me is going to be dissolved as of April 1, 2009.

Yes – you read that right. This department posted a brand new position on February 2, 2008, interviewed, offered me the job in April 2008, had me start in July 2008 and by April 2009, I may be out of a job.

My boss said that after I read the memo, we were supposed to call her boss to talk about everything. We talked to her boss on her cell phone for about 30 minutes then after she got into the office, we went into HER office and the 3 of us talked for about another hour. They were doing their best to reassure me things would be fine, noone is going to lose their job, I am a valued employee who would always have a place in the firm. I believe that they believe that – I really do. I believe they have my best interests at heart and will do everything they can to keep my job safe. But there are no guarantees.

They claim they are going to keep the employees in the loop as everything is decided, even get our input as to what type of work we like, we are passionate about and work hard to create positions for each of us doing those things. But how often does that really happen? And where? In fairy tales?

They do have a plan though – currently, we are the financial management branch of the Financial Institution and Public Service Sector Group. We are the liason between firmwide accounting and the partners and executives of this group – we help analyze the financial statements, pull spreadsheets for them to make business decisions, do their budgets for them, help forecast where they will end up each quarter and year. What they are going to propose is that we do this service for EVERY group in the firm, not just these two.

If that happens, it could mean BIG opportunities for our little group. We would eventually have to hire more staff and those of us in from the beginning would probably be the managers over these people. Remember how I said when I took this job that there was little opportunity for advancement because it was so small? Well – this would be putting me a bigger group where I would most definitely have opportunity for advancement. I can see my boss getting promoted to executive and me to senior manager pretty quickly.

IF THAT HAPPENS and that is a BIG “if”. I know my boss and her boss feel there is a need in our firm for such a department but they have to somehow get an audience with upper, upper firm management and get them all to buy into it. So – that is what will be transpiring over the next couple of months. The good thing is that a lot of this will need to be pounded out by the 1st of November – that is when budget season starts and in order to do the budget correctly for next year, they need to have some vague idea where everyone is going to be.

Or, they could drag their feet until the utter last minute and shit can us all. You never do know.

So, I had the lovely task of coming home and sharing this news with Brian. To say he didn’t take it well would be a slight understatement. He proceeded to fly off the handle for about 30 minutes, yelling, screaming, freaking out about the possibility of BOTH of us losing our jobs, having no health insurance – basically shuffling down the street in our bath robes and slippers and living in a cardboard box. Don’t get me wrong, I am upset about it but I am not going to live in a constant state of worry and fear until I find out exactly what is going to happen. WHY? What good would it do? Whatever is going to happen is going to happen regardless of how I spend my time between now and then, so what would be the point? Unfortunately, he doesn’t see it that way.

I didn’t have much else to say to him last night – I just couldn’t take his ranting anymore and just ignored him for the rest of the night. He finally saw the error of his ways, realized he was too hard on me, had hurt my feelings with some of the things he said but by the time he tried to apologize for them, it was too much. I wasn’t ready to forgive him – I just wanted to be left alone.

We are fine – he is gone on a bike ride tonight – I won’t see him again until he gets home around 8pm and when he does, we will be fine. But he is somehow going to have to learn to cope with life’s uncertainties without freaking out on me, somehow.

Then, the kicker – Lynne calls me this morning – she has been trying to reach me every day for the past three days so I knew something was up. She is pregnant again.

Yes, you read that right too. And I wasn’t really shocked nor that upset about it. I have moved on from all of the drama from this summer and don’t really see any reason to let it bother me and not be happy for her. Do I get it? No – why you would want 4 kids is way beyond me, especially when I see all that she gives up, how chaotic it is, how much MONEY it is. But, it is what she wants, what is going to make her happy so I just have to be happy for her.

I just have promised myself that I will not put pressure on myself to make this friendship happen, to commit to doing things I really don’t want to do, to go out of my way to accomodate what she needs, what she wants when she can’t do the same in return. I will be honest with her, I won’t feel guilty anymore if I don’t want to give up my Sunday afternoon to hang out with her and her *cough* 4 kids, if I don’t want to give up my Friday night to go to her Mary Kay party or I don’t want to attend her kids circus birthday parties. And if we can stay friends and still be ourselves, then we will be just fine. If I want her to respect me and what I want to do, I need to do the same for her.

The doctors have estimated she is due May 5th so she will have a child with a birthday in May, June, July and then November. I wonder if she is going to ask me to be in the delivery room for THIS one? Hell – by this point, I have been in there so many times, I feel like I could deliver this one myself!