Mixed Emotions

I have pretty mixed emotions about how this weekend went. . . we were just too busy to really ever relax and enjoy ourselves. I feel like we spent too much time trying to make other people happy rather than just doing what we wanted to do.

Friday, we got up early and went to go pick cherries with Lynne’s family and some of their friends and their kids. We try so hard to be involved but most of the time, feel like the 3rd wheel. To be honest, neither of us really wanted the cherries but ended up picking about 14 pounds for ourselves. We also spent about 45 minutes sitting around a picnic table around 11am, watching 6 small children eat a picnic lunch. Did any of the adults talk to us? No – everyone was hovering around the children, making sure they had what they needed. Every once in a while, someone would shoot a question our way, throw us a bone but then a child got their attention and we barely even got a chance to answer them. On the positive side, it was a gorgeous day and while I wasn’t thrilled about getting up and out so early, it was nice to be outside in the fresh air.

Friday night, we were supposed to be going out for a nice dinner with Brian’s mom and her friend to celebrate Brian’s birthday. Well – she E-mailed us the day before and mentioned good friends of theirs were throwing a last minute 4th of July party and while they still wanted to go to dinner, it was a shame they were going to miss it. SO – to be nice, we offered to cancel the dinner plans and go along with them to the party. It was a bunch of older people – 50-60s- that we didn’t know and very few of them were friendly or actually talked to us except the hosts. They had a BBQ and I had a few things to eat, including a TOO big hamburger and by the end of the night, I was feeling bloated and uncomfortable.

Saturday, we had plans to head to Lynne’s family’s lake party and I have to admit I was nervous. Why? Besides the fact that I knew were going over later than what Lynne would care for and that would probably tick her off – we had a little falling out with her sister and her husband around the end of April and this was the first time we would see them since then. It is a very long story but let’s just say her sister’s husband is a known drug dealer that finally got caught and they were making up all of these inane stories to tell Lynne and her mom and dad. The Feds finally caught up with him, he has been in and out of court and lawyers offices for the past 6-8 months and we heard a different version of the course of events through a friend of a friend of Brian’s. I felt like I had to share what I knew with Lynne – if the police and FBI are coming to their house, she needs to know what could possibly be going on instead of just blindly believing the Polly-Anna crap they were feeding her. What if the police came when Lynne had her kids at their house? So – I opened my big mouth and started a little war.

Anyway, Saturday was the first day of the Tour de France so we watched the Tour from 8:30 – 11am and then Brian took off for a long bike ride. I worked out and took my time getting ready and we were out the door by around 2pm. We were supposed to meet up with them at their house to see their fabulous finished basement and to give their daughter her birthday gifts but by the time we called on our way there, supposedly they were back at the lake. So – we skipped that visit and headed right to her parents.

The first few hours were . . .strained. Turned out Lynne wasn’t there – she had been on the way back to her house with her cousin to show off the basement so we were left there with her brother, who we adore and get along with very well and her sister and her friends, who, as I predicted, were pretty hostle. We said hello when we came and she would barely even look our way. Great- loads of fun, right? Well, her husband – the one who I think would be the most upset about everything actually was being pretty cool and through the course of the day, I ended up playing with their 3 kids quite a bit and she loosened up.

But, that is pretty much all we did all day – or all I did all day, play with or help take care of kids. Her sister has 3 kids, Lynne has 3 kids and I was constantly being handed one so they could take off and do something else. I enjoyed the time with the kids – I really did – playing with her 8 month old on a blanket underneath a tree, bonding with her daughter to the point where she was following me around, comforting her 5 year old when he got in a fight with another little girl. But Lynne barely said ONE word to me. We never talked, she never asked anything me, what I have been up to, we never got so much as 5 minutes together to talk. Sure, we sat together a couple of times but she was so focused on the kids or just relaxing, no real conversation took place. . .and the day felt like a giant waste.

I got to swim a little – maybe 15 minutes – but other than that and the fireworks at the very end of the day, I felt like a babysitter, someone else to throw some of the burden on and not a guest or even a friend. Maybe it is more my hangup than theirs and I am reading more into it than I should. I just wish and pray that I could be one of those women who wants to constantly be focused on kids, spend time with kids but that just isn’t me. Nor, my idea of a good time. I tried so hard this weekend to make time to spend with Lynne only for it to go unappreciated and completely unnoticed.

Then, to top it all off – I still wasn’t feeling that well from Friday. I felt full and bloated all day Saturday so all I had to eat all day was a couple of crepes for breakfast, a brat, a half a piece of cherry pie and a tiny bit of potato salad. And I felt like I had just gorged myself silly!

I got up Sunday and my stomach felt terrible. We were supposed to go out to breakfast with Lynne’s brother but I had to call and cancel. I had the stomach flu/food poisoning or something because I couldn’t stay out of the bathroom all day. I was tired, weak, headachy and my stomach was killing me. I actually spent all day in bed reading and dozing off and on – something I NEVER do. I didn’t eat anything all day long except for a piece of toast around 5pm and that did not go over well. I got up this morning feel weak and sweaty and shaky so unfortunately, on the first day of my new job, I had to call in sick. How long you think until I am fired? *grin*

So, that is my weekend. Not exactly all I hoped it could be. I feel overwhelmed right now because Carol’s party is next weekend and I lost a whole day yesterday feeling shitty. I don’t feel 100% today – even though I pretty much emptied everything inside me yesterday, my stomach still feel bloated, full and uncomfortable, though not as bad as yesterday. And I haven’t started my period yet – I am about 5 days late. I know I will be able to get a few things done today but it feels like a lot of things are catching up with me and I wasted so much time this weekend when I could have been doing things for ME, taking care of ME. *sigh* I try too hard with Lynne – I need to stop and now.

I hope everyone else had a better weekend than me!