Don’t Know Why

I don’t know why I haven’t been writing much here – guess I have been living life and not writing about it. Honestly, I have been fucking off too much at work and don’t have time to post an entry – since we have to track our time in 15 minute increments all day, there is only so much I can bury.

So, what’s been up? Well – let’s see . . .a lot, actually. We had a great girl’s night out on Thursday night at a local wing place. Just 6 of us, which seems to be the perfect number of ladies for talking, laughing and really opening up to each other. Talking about things you can’t talk about with your hubby or your mother – or don’t want to anyway. We finished up a night of great wings and beers with a trip to the chocolate cafe for some goodies.

Friday night, we had plans with Lynne and her brood and WOW, did we ever get a surprise! They are now trying for Kid #4!!! Or better yet, may already be pregnant with #4 (she said she was taking a pregnancy test to be sure next week). I am sorry – I couldn’t even pretend to be excited for them at this point. All I do is listen to her bitch about not having enough time, enough money, enough sleep, enough anything and you want ANOTHER little monster?? I will NEVER understand it. NEVER.

And our visit was pretty much hell on earth – their 2 year old screamed bloody murder for pretty much the first 30-45 minutes of our visit there. If Lynne even got out of her sight for a second, it was enough to send her into hysterics, thinking she was going to leave and worse yet, leave her with us! Then, the second we walked in the door, she automatically hands the 6 month old to me and pretty much takes off and within 10 minutes, he had projectile spit up all the way down my T-shirt. Did she even notice? Nope – she was wrapped up in some screen door project with her husband and didn’t even offer to help clean me or the baby up. So, I cleaned off my shirt as best I could while Brian took the baby and cleaned him up. Have I mentioned we are not kid people? Oh yeah – of course I did!!!

As we drove away, I felt our lives moving into a different chapter, a chapter that doesn’t include Lynne. There is no way I can stay friends with her if they choose to have more children. 3 kids is a lot to take when we visit for us but 4 and maybe 5? NO WAY. I refuse to put up with it and if that makes me a horrible person, so be it. And maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if Lynne just didn’t automatically assume when we come over that we have come to help her do whatever she wants by entertaining or watching the kids. No – we came over to see YOU and your husband – you know, the adults? Sure – we won’t ignore the kids and might even play with them, if so inclined and their attitudes are good but I certainly don’t feel a responsibility to give you a break just because I show up on your door step. And she just doesn’t get that.

I talked to my aunt about it yesterday – my aunt who adores kids and she totally agreed with me. That Lynne knows me well enough to know that hanging around kids is not a fun activity for me and if I wanted to be around kids a lot, we would have had our own. By choosing to have more children, she is choosing to not be friends with me – whether it is a conscience choice (which I know it isn’t) or just a natural matter of cause and effect, which it will be. We have nothing in common anymore – I can’t relate to her world that has nothing in it but diapers, bottles, midnight feedings, no sleep, no time to shower or comb your hair. Anything I have to discuss with her sounds totally frivolious . . .like when she asked me why I wasn’t coming to her sister’s purse making party Saturday morning (don’t even go there – I still don’t understand what it is, nor care) and I had to inform her that my busy morning consisted of sleeping in, getting a spray tan and getting my annuals at the local nursury.

But that is MY life, damn it and I am not going to feel like I constantly have to apologize for it or feel bad because of it. It is pretty damn awesome and I have a lot to be happy about. And i hope the choices she is making in her life are making HER happy . . .though I don’t see how that could be possible. And I am sure she hears about my life and thinks the exact same thing. How lonely, how shallow. . .how can two people thinking these things about each other ever remain friends?

Enough about that – there is nothing I can do about it and life must move on. Brian and I talked about it Friday night after we got home and what was most upsetting to me about the whole thing is that I do get lonely sometimes. There, I said it. A lot of people have left my life over the past couple of years and it just saddens me to see yet another one go. We had a couple we hung around with for the longest time – Brian’s roommate before we got married and his best man in our wedding but 3 kids came for them and out the door went out friendship. Another long time friend all the way back to elementary school and just two years ago, we had a falling out and now she is gone. My brother – we will never be close like we used to be growing up as long as he is with that monster of a girlfriend of his and I miss him terribly sometimes. And now Lynne.

We need new friends – we say it over and over again but where in the world do you meet new people? Brian is NOT outgoing nor social so any occasion he would have to meet people and he doesn’t even try. He fully admitted and actually apologized to me Friday night about it. It isn’t his fault – that is just who he is and I knew that when we got married. He went Tuesday night and met up with a local cycling club for a Live Strong ride . . .people who love cycling just as much as he does but did he talk to any of them, get their names, introduce himself? Nope.

I meet people at work all the time and people have a tendency to gravitate towards me, want to spend time with me, which is nice. Hence, the girl’s nights out I host once a month and the various lunches I meet people for throughout the week. But very few of them ever turn into anything more than that – like going to each others houses and hanging out. We did try a game night with 3 other couples from my work place last year and it was fun but the woman in one of the couples just went through some tramantic surgery last month and obviously, hasn’t had time for such get togethers lately.

So, our current list of people we (I) hang out with on a regular basis include my aunt, who is 13 years older and me and just marrying off her youngest daughter in 2 weeks, Brian’s mom and her good girl friend and Andy and Chris, who have ONE child, our goddaugher, who we adore. That’s it. Noone else our own age. Noone else who doesn’t have children. Noone else who likes to travel, dine at nice restaurant, enjoy good wine. It is a fun life and a good life but it does get lonely sometimes – guess we all have our burdens to bear, huh?

On that note, I guess I will take off. I was planning on this being a short and sweet entry but couldn’t help that tangent I took off on. This week is my LAST week of work before vacation, before my mom flies up from Florida for a 2 week and my brother flies up for a 1 week visit, before my cousin’s wedding. It is going to be mighty tough to concentrate and get anything done with all that combo’ed with my end date with this department drawing ever nearer.

I called my new boss on Friday and chatted with her a little bit about my transition. They STILL have not posted my position yet nor have I started cross training anyone on my duties. They have known I am leaving for approximately a month now and I have about 1 more month to go before I am outta there. I very politely hinted to my new boss that she better keep in contact with my soon to be old boss about their expectations of when I make my move. I know my old boss and she is the master of telling people what they want to hear then turn around and do the exact opposite.

So – my end date is supposed to be July 7th but I can totally see her going to my new department at the last minute and saying they need me for just one more month. And then just one more month. And then the next thing you know, it is heading towards the end of the year and I am STILL stuck there. My new boss assured me that wouldn’t happen – that I have done EVERYTHING I could possibly do to ensure a smooth transition and if my current boss doesn’t do her part, I shouldn’t feel the least bit guilty about walking out the door when the time comes and not looking back. It was nice to hear her support but sometimes, that is easier said than done. I don’t give a shit about my bosses or the world of hurt they will be in if I leave and don’t train anyone but I do care about my co-workers and I would hate to see them get stuck picking up the slack for her inaction. But, I am sure noone would be surprised in the slightest.