Nearly over . . .

Looking back over old entries that I made at this time of the year reminds me that I have a kind of situational depression for one week every year. For 51 weeks of the year, I am happy with my situation, I like my alone time and I am never bored. But the week from 25/12 to the last second of 31/12 completely screws me up. My situation becomes untenable, alone becomes lonely and I can’t seem to find anything I want to do.

This week is the ONLY time that I find myself wondering whether I did the right thing in separating from my ex. Of course it was the right thing. I only have to think back to the realities of the “happy holiday season” with him to see that feeling crap for one week per year is a tiny, tiny price to pay for overall contentment and happiness.

Thank god that today is the last day of that week.

I don’t quite know why it is like this. Christmas actually wasn’t too bad this year; I had no great expectations, and it turned out to be a pleasant time. Not wildly exciting and no hordes of people around, but pleasant. The stuff going on with my daughter will undoubtedly trigger lots of emotions, but not depression; mostly I hit challenges head on and deal with them and this one doesn’t look to be any different.

Maybe this year will break the pattern and I can reduce the depression by a few hours. Greta text me last night and suggested that we go on holiday – somewhere cheap, cheerful and fun for a week – to use up holiday days that we both have left over. She’s going to try and get dates, will text me sometime after 10.00.am this morning with them, I will text my boss to try and get the same dates and then if this all comes together, we can book something TONIGHT. Surely even my entrenched depression will be defeated by booking a holiday!

Today will see all signs of Christmas disappear from my house. I’m not waiting for the 12 days – tomorrow is the first proper day after the celebrations are officially over and I want to start it with a Christmas-free environment and get back to being the me I’m happy being.

Happy next year!

Only sujema

December 31, 2009

Happy New Year to you, too! Oh, I think booking a holiday is a great idea – having a nice trip to look forward to is like a tonic to me. Christmas I think puts quite a lot of expectations, conscious or not- on us. My dream Christmas is to take off for Tahiti around the 12th of December, and return the 12th of January. It doesn’t have to be Tahiti. Anyplace with a warmand sunny beach, and fruity cocktails with umbrellas in them will do.

You sound totally normal to me. There is all this expectation that family and people should surround you at Christmas time. When the older children go to be with their dad at noon on Christmas Day, Art and I get blue. Art gets very upset. In the end, we enjoy the quiet of the season and it is worth it.

LightButHearty

I’m a total fan of the holiday plan. Do it. Screw the Ex…the gift that won’t stop giving. Onward! Happy New Year!

You did the right thing.

Happy This Year to you, too. That proposed holiday sounds good.

Amen to all that. I have to work quite hard not to get down at this time of year, too. I’ve taken my finger out of the Chinese puzzle to a great extent, but this time of year is when the milestones pile up. I read your next entry before this one and was amused at what you wrote here about your Ex–it’s as if the Universe sent you confirmation that you were right soon afterwards, isn’t it? Heh.