Update on Lauren

My best friend Lauren and her daughter, Helen, kind of emigrated to Egypt. This was way back in March, but I haven’t written about it yet.
 
To cut a long story to less than minimum, she couldn’t afford to live here – her mortgage payments were more than her earnings, and that’s without buying luxuries like food, gas, electricity, council tax and all the other trappings. So in the wake of her divorce, she sold up, booked a package holiday, packed her life into five large suitcases and went. During the holiday, she found a flat to rent and just didn’t come back on the return flight.
 
The only contact I’ve had with her is two emails and half a dozen text messages. They have no real internet access there; just the occasional piggyback on someone’s unsecured broadband. I have no postal address for them. I’ve missed the sympathy, cream cakes and bitch sessions more than you can imagine.
 
She flew back to England briefly in July, mostly to renew her visa. She stayed here, but we never properly talked as her daughter was in constant attendance and they were visiting everybody else in just one week.
 
The relationship with her Egyptian toy boy fizzled out – it seems he couldn’t stand her independence. She bought an unbuilt villa, which I understand is now almost completed, but there are (of course) some problems – don’t know what. Her daughter is in a relationship with a young man out there and is accepted by his family – she is 18, virginal and willing to change religion, so there’s no reason why not. Or at least, that’s how it was a couple of months ago; I haven’t had an update for ages.
 
Her other daughter, Kathy (she’s 24 and remained in England), is pregnant; her baby boy is due in February. Yesterday, Lauren and Helen flew back to the UK, Kathy picked them up and they’ve gone to stay with her mother in Devon. Kathy text to let me know she’d picked them up from the airport, that they would stay in Devon over Christmas and then come back to our hometown until after the baby is born. Then, presumably, they’d return to Egypt.
 
This all sounds very planned, but there’s stuff I don’t understand. For instance, their flight back arrived at something like 11.00.pm and Kathy couldn’t pick them up until mid-morning next day. They spent the night in an empty airport as they couldn’t afford an hotel – so how are they going to afford to spend two months in England with nowhere to stay? My house has only two bedrooms (the sofa is ok for a few nights, but not two months), Kathy and her partner are in a tiny one-bedroomed rented flat, her son lives with his girlfriend’s parents. Lauren’s mother would probably have them live with her in Devon, but there’s history involved, making it a bad option. Also, if the villa’s not completed yet, it’s not generating any money and without her being there it’s unlikely to progress at all.
 
So yesterday, Kathy picked them up and they all drove to Devon. I know they’re probably tired, but I’m a bit miffed I haven’t heard from them at all, not even a text. We were best friends for years and the lack of recent contact has been because I have no way of contacting them.
 
I feel let down by my best friend, which isn’t a very nice feeling to have. Yeah, I know there will be reasons, but logic doesn’t work on emotions.

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I can understand the feeling of being let down. Hopefully you will soon hear from Lauren and her explanations will remove that feeling.

December 23, 2007

That is crap. I’m trying to be positive and just think that there are reasons…tiredness, worry, having to deal with lots of people at once, other stuff perhaps. But sending a text takes no time at all. I’m sure you will hear from her, and I’m hoping it’s not just because she needs a bolt hole.

December 23, 2007

So sorry. I hate when this happens. Your friend sounds either completely upended by her divorce or rather immature.

December 23, 2007

it sounds like she’s having a really tough time. it can be difficult to keep up with relationships when all you’re doing is trying to keep your head above water. not to mention that living overseas coming home is always a shock to the system. you’ll get the chance to revive your friendship, even if it’s not anytime soon. if you can, just let her know that you’re there.

December 23, 2007

re. what icklewriter said. sending a text when you don’t have a cell phone is not a simple thing at all. how the hell is she going to do that? and how is she expected to call when she’s at her parents and it’s busy with people and there’s only one phone in the living room, for example. it’s really not simple, or quick.

Sounds very odd. She’s behaving badly and I don’t blame you at all for feeling let down, but if she’s a good friend it would be worth trying to let it play out for a while. You might get more information later that will change your views. Either way, I doubt her treatment of you is intentional–which doesn’t always make it better, I know,but…

December 23, 2007

RYN: no real reason to blow tinsel except number 1 son thought it was fun as a 10 year old–kind of a rebellion against careful placement so the strands hang down! Your friend has probably fallen into the “suck it up” category. when we can’t have the intimacy we want, we get stoic– and then the wall makes us feel isolated, and then we think we are isolated, and we stop reaching out. teach herthat you are still there. call if you can, offer your time… it will work out i know it.

December 23, 2007

Roof how lovely to see you again. I was excited to wish you a merry christmas. This is a sad entry. It is a hard situation and maybe more complicated than it seems? It really is quite fabulous to see you here. Merry Christmas xxx