seepage

I’ve been so terrible about updating this diary. I miss it.

It’s official, school has avariciously devoured my life. Who knew that taking twenty-two credit hours of graduate-level classes would be this time-consuming? Unlike many medical schools, in pharmacy school there are no block exams where you get all of your tests in one intense week. No, they spread them out so that you have about two exams every week for almost the entire semester. I believe the week of Thanksgiving is the only week where I’ll be test free. I study all of the time, but I don’t feel like I am ever making progress. I feel perpetually behind. In spite of this, my grades have been quite palatable, overall my gpa is right around a 90. We were told not to worry about our grades anymore, passing is what is important and still I am much too concerned with making As. Residencies can be quite competitive and still gpa matters.

Initially I found a group of friends into which I clicked almost immediately. I’ve had some really good times with them, at least until recently. Something’s changed and I already feel like an outsider. I know certain people in the group sneer at my academic performance, Cole in particular. “It’s starting to make me not like you,” he told me while we were at dinner one night. They’ve stopped calling me and inviting me when they go out drinking. I feel so alone. I miss all of my friends back home in Lubbock. I’ve started to spend every weekend there, I don’t want to forget what it feels like to around people who enjoy my presence.

I’ve put so much effort into being an extravert around people with whom I am not yet extremely comfortable. I have found it to be quite draining and so far my only reward has been having my outstretched hand seared by the hot stove. In the past two weeks I’ve completely withdrawn.

To complicate matters a friend of mine, Sarah McKinley, passed away due to terminal liver cancer. I never went to visit her after I found out about her diagnosis and sometimes it eats me up inside. Robyn was really close to her and I can’t imagine what she’s going through.

God is cruel sometimes. My faith has been waning the past couple of months and I’m not sure I have the energy to rekindle it. I know the way back, but I’ve been entangled in thickets of apathy.

Living with my grandmother has been most enjoyable. She continues to spoil me rotten. Memaw is undoubtedly the coolest grandmother in the world. Penny, one of her two chihuahuas, is still terrified of me. She still barks everytime I come home or come out of my room, and I have lived with her forover two months now. Memaw accidently ran over one of her cats today. Unfortunately it was Whiskers: the good cat. I don’t care at all for Meesha, who actively seeks out and shreds my headphones and defecates in my bathtub.

Filled out my voter registration and got it mailed yesterday. Not that my vote matters much in Texas. I wonder sometimes if I am the only person voting for Kerry in this state.

I had a creepy dream the other night. I dreamed that I was laying in bed, unable to fall asleep. I might have thought it not a dream, but Pootie came into my room to visit me. She explained that the reason that I was having difficulty falling asleep was that I was being watched. That woke me up and as you might imagine, I had difficulty getting to sleep.

There is so much more that I would like to write about (like the excitement of my new car and the disappointment with its lack of waterproofitude), but I have an Biochemistry test to study for and I am breathtakingly behind in Drug Information Clerkship.