A Year Ago Today

AERIAL TRAMWAY, PALM SPRINGS, CA

One year ago at about the same  time as now, a{lmost 11:00 PM}, I was trying to fall asleep, knowing that I was leaving the next morning for my first vacation/trip ALONE.. Yes I said ALONE. No kiddies, no hubby, no friends…jsut me, me and me….lol

I have to admit I was not just afraid…..I was petrified. I don’t like airplanes, and I had to switch planes in LA, but I had never had to go about getting a car rental either. Being in an unfamiliar area didn’t bother me as I LOVE to explore new roads and byways, even here in NJ I’ll just take off and drive around with no rhyme or reason except to see something nre & different.  Being alone wasn’t even an issue I am not afraid to be alone and it doesn’t stop me from seeing or doing anything I want to. what I was afraid of was the GETTING there, changing planes and geting the rental. I knew once I did that…..it would all be a piece of cake. I also WAS NOT looking forward to pumping my own gas..lol Here in NJ it is against the law to pump your own gas. I can count on my hand the number of times I have had to pump my gas. Sorry, but I LIKE having someone do it for me, call me spoiled, but I like not having to get out of the car in the rain, snow, sleet, hail and brutal heat….lol

Before I went to Palm Springs, hubby bought me this here laptop. He said because he knows I like to write and it would be easier with this. i KNOW it was out of guilt, but this is going to be about a good time I had, so I won’t even go THERE… One of the reasons I wanted to be alone was to decide if I COULD stay in my marriage for the sake of the kids or if I was going to leave (as you can see if you’ve read me, I am still here, with most of the problems to, BUT it was a decision I made for me and my children. I Know that we needed to be apart to try and figure stuff out.

So anyway, Hubs brought me to the airport bright and early. Before I left the house I left a letter I had written him on the bed, he would see it when he got home. Basically I said that I hoped he would use our time apart to figure out what it was exactly he was missing in his life and how and what he was going to go about finding/getting whatever it was the would make him happy.  To me, if he was happy with who he was/is  and our marriage he wouldn’t be so eager to get involved emotionally and sexually with women that he has met on here. I had hoped he would use the time to figure out his heart. He didn’t buth that is neither here nor there.

One of the things I hate the most (OK….I admit it), I am petrified, scared-out-of-my-wits, those cabe things that go across the parks. You know, where you’re WAY up there swinging in the breeze on a little cable, whle people are walking underneath you. which brings me to another thing, what the hell would possess ANYONR to walk under those things, they could get CRUSHED for goodness sake if the cable broke. For years when we went to DIsney World, my kids ALL loved to go from one end of the park to the other in that contraption and we would ALL go. Of course I couldn’t tell my kids I was afraid, so I would go and hold on for dear life sure that we were all going to fall to our deaths. Why? you ask, did I go? I figured if we were going down, we’d all go together. See, I get totally irrational when it comes to those things. Anyway, knowing my fear I decided that the one thing I WAS going to do was to face it and defeat it. So on a beautiful hot, hot day…about 107 degrees…I drive myself over to the Palm Springs Aerial Tram, bought my ticket and maded myself get on this rotating tramcar and ascending 2 an1/2 miles UP the mountain. Half way up I was so mesmerized by the breathtaking view that i never realized when I stoppedd saying over and over to myself, "You can so this, You can do this",  I am so proud of myself for facing & then conquering that fear. No, I still don’t like them, but I am glad I went on it. At the top of the mountain, there are trails you can hike and a restaurant. the air is so much thinner up there that I had a hard time breathing. The view overlooking the desert was awesome. It was also about 15 degrees cooler and that felt great. I took some great pics., ate lunch then after a couple of hours went back down the mountain. 

One of the things that caught me interest was all the windmills that line the sides of the highways in and around the desert. They are so huge, and they made me smile every time I saw them. Don’t really know why, I just thought they were awesome. After my tram ride I drove around and took pictures of the windmills, just because I wanted to..lol a=After that I drove around and then decided to do something else I’ve wanted to do for a long time. I went and got a tattoo. On my hip….of a fairy on a quarter moon, in color….I was so daring…lol And I never had so much fun in my life. i went where I wanted to, when I wanted and answered to NO ONE.

Every day I would go to the pool until about lunch time, then go back to the timeshare and change and then go off by myself and explore. I went to the Casinos, I went to the windmills, I went to the tram and I would just get in the car and drive, and drive and drive with no destination in mind except to follow the road where ever it took me.

At the pool one day I met a very nice man named Ian, who was there from Scotland. His brogue was so thick, that most of the time I had no clue what he was talking about, so I wouold just smile or laugh and pretend. He was fun and we had a good time.  A friend of mine was supposed to meet me in Palm Springs for a couple of days and I had bought some beer and other things, but things came up and he didn’t make it and I was left with 2 6 packs of beer that I wasn’t going to be drinking, so I offered it to Ian. He didn’t drink, but his sister and brother in law, whom he was traveling with, did, so I gave him the beer. I often wish I had thought to get his addrees or email so I could keep in touch but I wasn’t thinking…I was just wishing my friend had made it there..

I struck up many conversations with all types of people in my travels and had a wonderful time. I LIKED…..OK…..LOVED being on my own and realized that I am perfectly capable of fending for myself. In fact, I could probable adjust to a life w/o a spouse faster and better than my hubs could….he is way more needy than I am.

Looking back….it was such a wonderful experience I wish I could do it more often. I need alone time. Maybe more than most, but I do relise my alone time. In fact, so much that in June of this year, we rented a house on Long Beach Island NJ and the kids, hubs and I (and MANY friends) were there for the weekend. The kids left on Monday (they were still in school) and hubs left on Tuesday. I was alone from Tuesday 3:30 PM until I left on Saturday. Again, my friend was supposed to meet me, but didn’t. Again I went exploring on my own and generally had a great time. We have a timeshare week that has to be used by Nov 30th so I’m looking to go away again. I would like to go bymyself, and NO I won’t be asking my friend as I don’t think he really wants to go. I have no idea where I can go, but I would like it to be somewhere I can drive to. Maybe the mountains in VA would be nice, somewhere in country as i doubt Id get near the beach…Who knows, I’ll let you know if I DO go away.