10/19/2011

Hello!

Sorry I left you hanging.  I haven’t been feeling well and had to go to the Dr. yesterday.  But I have meds and I’m on the mend, no worries 🙂

Thank you all so much who shared your experiences and opinions with me regarding Mediums.  It was very interesting to see what everyone had to say.  I think I had more private notes on this entry than any I can remember, not sure why but I thought it was worth noting (pun intended lol).

I do believe in Mediums.  I was very open minded when I first introduced to them about 10 years ago.  My sister was a believer and she was a huge fan of John Edward, a renowned Medium who had his own talk show and has written several books.  I found both him and his show fascinating. 

To me a Medium is simply someone with a heightened sense of the presence  of spiritual beings on the other side.  In other words they can communicate with the dead.

I think many of us, myself included, have this sensitivity within us to a degree.  It doesn’t necessarily mean we can talk to the dead, but it’s that sixth sense, as most people call it.  That feeling, that intuition, when you know the phones going to ring or that something is wrong with someone you love.  For some people it’s very heightened and for others it’s so subtle they may never notice it. 

Now having said that, let me just state that I do not believe all Mediums are good.  LIke any other occupation, I believe they are good ones, ones who truly have a gift, and then they are bad ones, ones who are simply looking to make a profit.   

So why all this interest in Mediums?  Well because I am seriously thinking of scheduling a reading with one.  I already have one in mind, someone very reputable and well known in the area.  I just have to get a little money together and do it.  My greatest hope is that my mother comes through.  Not just because I miss her so much, but because I desperately need her forgiveness.  You see I’ve been carrying around a sack of guilt for over 10 years now.  I was on drugs the last few years of her life.  With her dementia, there was a lot she didn’t see or understand but  I know there were moments of clarity when she wondered what the hell had happened.  I saw her look at me once as if she couldn’t believe what she was seeing.  I’ve never forgotten that moment. 

As a mother and grandmother myself, I know logically that she has forgiven me.  I know there is almost nothing in this world my kids or grandkids could do that I would not forgive.  But I need to hear it.  There have been times, in deep despair, when I wished nothing more than to see her face and ask her forgiveness, even if that meant death for me.  Don’t get me wrong, I was never suicidal, just desperate to free myself from this guilt and pain. 

It’s time to let go, move on with my life.  Of course with my luck it will be my sister who comes through, but that’s okay too.  She’ll probably tell me to get over it, that mom forgave me long ago.  No matter what happens, I’ve got to get rid of this burden I have been hanging on to for dear life.  It’s ridiculous.  If this helps that would be great.  If not, I need to find another way.

Again, thanks for all your input.  I’ll certainly let you know what happens at my reading (which I’m sure won’t be until sometime in November or December).