04/27/2011

Hi everyone,

Well here I am, still trying to read and write between the black blobs that dot my screen.   It’s very frustrating but doable in small doses. 

We had a very nice Easter.  The weather on Sunday was absolutely gorgeous.  My granddaughters looked so beautiful!  I think little girls in Easter dresses are so sweet and adorable.  We went to Bonnie’s sister’s house for dinner and then Aimee and some others took all the kids to the park for an Easter egg hunt.  Aimee is such a great mother.  We fight like crazy sometimes and she drives me nuts (vice versa no doubt) but the one thing I always admire is how good a mother she is.  I’m so proud of her and of myself because I do take credit for showing her how it’s done LOL.   

To back up a bit, Saturday was quite chaotic.  Our poor little Leah has been battling a terrible cough and cold and Aimee decided to take her to the ER in the morning.  I was also battling illness in the form a urinary tract infection.  Ouch!  Any of you ladies who have experienced one knos what I mean when I say this sh*t hurts!  I have had probably a half dozen of them over the course of my life and they are no fun.  They seem to come from nowhere, without warning, and the pain can literally take your breath away.  On a scale of 1 to 10, I would give this one about a 7.  I was debating on whether I should go to the ER or try to tough it out till Monday.   Well Aimee ended up making the decision for me.  While cooking dinner, she dropped a full bottle of hot sauce on top of her foot.  She was in incredible pain and once I got her calmed down, I convinced her to go to the ER.  So off we trooped, me, Aimee and Makayla for trip #2 to the ER.

Fortunately nothing was broken, just badly bruised.  They drilled a hole in the nail of her big toe, taped it up and gave her a boot to wear.  I had my own personal Dr. McDreamy and I think we fell a little bit in love with each other.  Me with him because of his curly hair, bright blue eyes, dimples and beautiful smile.  Him with me because I was so obviously smitten with him and told him he should be on the show "ER" haha.   I had him and the nurse cracking up with my usual silliness.   Oh did  I mention he was Italian?  YOWZA!  Almost, I said ALMOST, worth the pain of the UTI.

Dustin still does not have a job and I’m not sure how real his supposed efforts are to find one.  I told Aimee I was going to leave it up to her how to handle the situation.  He is paid up on rent until the end of the month.  I gave him my one last talk on Thursday night and of course he agreed with everything I said and promised he is going to do the right thing, blah blah blah.  I think he believes his constant, OCD driven cleaning, makes him somewhat indispensable and while yes, it’s nice to have someone who does most of the cleaning, a clean house does not pay the bills.  To be honest, with us now splitting the bills in 1/2 instead of thirds, we will barely be able to make it.  My big heart makes it very difficult to imagine kicking him or anyone out in the streets, but the bottom line is,  we can’t afford him.  His mother swears she will not let him come back home but I have a a hard time believing that.  He has the option of going to a shelter, there are plenty around here, but what he chooses to do is up to him.  It doesn’t have to be this way but only he can do something about it.

I still have all these deep issues I want to write about.  I write them out in my head all the time but putting them in writing is scary.  I’m afraid of your reactions, afraid I may shock you, afraid you won’t like me anymore. I know this isn’t true but  all of these fears stem from my own insecurity which, ironically, is one of the things I want to write about.  I also want to write about my addictions and the effects it has on my life.  Just to clarify, in case any one wondered, no I am not using drugs or alcohol.  Still clean, 10 years now.  But my addictive personality still affects my life on a daily basis in so many ways.  Well now that I’ve touched on a few things, maybe I will ,expand on some of them in my next entry.

Okay I will end with some Easter pics of my beautiful girls:

Dying eggs:

In their Easter finery: