09/22/2009

Greetings everyone,

Thought I would come and update you all on my housing situation.  We will be moving out the weekend of October 10th.  After much back and forth, we have decided that I will go stay with my family in the country and Aimee and Makayla will stay with my friend Bonnie.

This is breaking my heart.  The mere thought of being away from my little curly topped angel starts the tears flowing.  I cry and cry.  I know to some people it may seem silly.  We’ll only be 2 hours away.  It is temporary.  And I’ll see her every weekend.  But to not have that daily interaction, to not see that little head pop in my door a dozen or more times a day, to not kiss her goodnight, will be the hardest thing I’ve ever done.  I know I have to buck up and handle it but I get so emotional at the very thought of it.  I’ll miss our silly little made up games, the rock concerts we put on together, snuggling in the chair watching cartoons, having her run and hug me for no reason.  I tried to talk to her about last night but when I got to the part about nanny living somewhere else for a while, she wanted no part of it.  So I just let it go.  I think this will be very hard on her as well.  She had two accidents in school today and I wondered if they were caused by anxiety.  She told me on the phone a few minutes ago that she did not have a good day and she wasn’t going back.  She doesn’t seem to love school like I expected her to.   Well like I said, it is temporary and I have to keep praying for strength and never let her see me cry.  Even writing this is making me tear up.

Aimee still doesn’t have a job.  She has been on some great interviews but there seems to be 100 people for each job.  She doesn’t have any lined up this week yet but I pray she will get some calls tomorrow.

I was laying in bed last night trying to figure out why I was still so broke since I didn’t pay rent this month.  Then it hit me – I still have to pay all the other bills and I don’t have Aimee’s salary.  DUH!  I’m expecting the cell phone to be turned off any day. I’m shocked that it hasn’t already happened but I just consider it a gift from God.  I’m thinking of getting one of those pay as you go phones.  I want to do some further research and see how much cheaper it might be.  Then I’ve got to get a storage unit and a PO box.  It just never seems to end. 

In other news, I am having a visit this week from someone who was my former arch enemy.  You have all heard me speak of Aaron, my ‘step-son’.  He is not really my step-son, his father and I were never married but we were together for years.  I love Aaron every bit as much as if he were my own.  Well my exe’s ex  (his father’s ex-wife and Aaron’s mother) is coming by to pick up his clothes.  We have had some less than civil encounters in the past.   Strangely enough I have thought more than once that we could have been friends if the circumstances were different.  While I don’t know about being friends, we have been exchanging some very nice emails after she found me on Facebook.   Aaron is still in jail but is hoping to get work-release.  She is coming to get his clothes so he will have something to wear on the outside while going for interviews.  I’m so glad that we are communicating.  It gives me a link to Aaron since I can’t talk to him.  I don’t have a home phone and he can’t call collect to a cell phone.  He writes me but not often enough.  It’s strange to think she will be here Thursday but it’s a good thing.

I hope this entry doesn’t seem too full of self-pity.  I am extremely grateful that we all do have somewhere to go.  I know there are plenty of people in this situation that don’t have the wonderful friends and family that I have.  On that note let me end this entry with a gratitude list and a few pictures .

I am grateful for friends who feed me, visit me, listen to me cry and tell me how much they love me.

I am grateful that we have a car that will allow me to be with my granddaughter every weekend.

I am grateful for a space to write out all these feelings without fear of judgement.

I am grateful for TV.  Yes, TV!  It’s a wonderful diversion.  I’m so glad "Dancing With the Stars" is back on and Thursday is the season premiere of "Grey’s Anatomy". 

I am grateful for my health.  While not the greatest, I am still able to get around.  I can go out for short periods of time and have dinner with friends or just go for a ride.  Saturday night my friend Debbie and I went and sat down by the river and just talked.  It was so beautiful and peaceful. 

And I am always grateful for you.  Your love and suport, your feedback, your kindness, is never taken for granted. 

Sleeping Angel

Playing in the sandbox at a birthday party picnic

My sweet friend Bonnie with the little birthday girl (This is a a friend of ours little girl who just turned one)

What a face!

(((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))