shop talk

Computer’s in the shop for a while. Going to scream/cry/throw a fit if it is expensive to fix.

Considering calling J. Saw her walking down the street the other day and was knocked a little breathless with sadness. I mean. I spent 5 years emailing her once a day, if not 3 or 4 times a day. And her responses were often brief (internet equivalents to head nods and “mmhmm” noises?!) And she didn’t always respond to the core of whatever issues I was throwing at her, but she did always respond. And it’s been really hard to be without that lately. To not have that channel open. To realize that there’s not always someone there to hear me.

And part of me struggles with “see, you won. You pushed and pushed and she got tired and sick of it, just like you said she would” Cuz maybe it’s that. Or maybe it’s just her having a life that doesn’t, ya know, revolve around ME, lol. (noooooooooo, I never thought it SHOULD or DID, but she was very good at making me feel heard. And in my world, it’s kinda equivalent. I have issues. :p)

Maybe part of me is scared to reach out again, for fear of being right. Or for fear of being wrong. I just don’t know.

Anyways.

What was my point? Oh yeah. My computer is broken. Of course, cuz NaNo is right around the corner. Ugh. And I could hook up my desktop, but I have no way of connecting it to the inet. But I might hook it up anyways. Cuz then at least I could play sims and stuff. blah.

I don’t feel good.

And it’s time to go put the Doodlebug to bed. She’s wearing a training bra. Excuse me while I pick my brain up off of the floor. I was like “you are NOT!” and she got this scared look and was like “Mom told me to!!” And I laughed. I wasn’t -yelling- at her or scolding her. I was just like “nono, it’s ok. I’m just having issues with you being old enough to wear one yet.” She was like “uhm…I’m….sorry?!” hehe. I told her she was allowed to grow up. But to just go slower!

Oh well.