cannonball

Last nite at work was quiet for the most part. But. The end of it got me really tense and upset, cuz Gordie, the flamboyantly gay nite nurse who never works and calls off everytime he’s SUPPOSED to work (which is ONE weekend a month, geesus…) is also somewhat lazy and unmotivated. Meaning I was left to do everything this morning. It ticks me off.

Anyways. Just FINALLY watched the first ep of The L-Word that G sent me (the whole first season, she sent. It’s taken me a while to get around to watching it, obviously.)

Wasn’t overly impressed. But that’s because I was just trying to figure out who was who. I did enjoy it by the end of the first ep, and am looking forward to watching more.

There was lots of sex. meh. At least it wasn’t a lot of boysex. But even the girlsexstuff I was just like….ehhhhh.

It’s like this weird amalgamation of yummyscary. *sigh* I wish my brain weren’t so fucked up. Puns halfintended.

So, mum’s phone definately cut out mid conversation yesterday and I definately was back asleep before she called back in all of 5 minutes. Yay for seroquel??? Eesh. I didn’t even realize it til this morning. I called her. Patrick and the babies were there. I heard them chattering in the background. I do miss them, the little ones. Beautiful, beautiful children. Their mum is Philipinno and they’re such a wonderful shade of caramel with big black eyes and black hair.

Apparently she’s going the Denial route and pretending I never brought anything up. Which. Whatever. At least she didn’t ask if I wanted to talk to him.

*sigh*

I miss AJ. It’s forever since I’ve seen her. H was online tonite and I was telling her it’s been almost 10 months (not since I’ve seen her, rather, that’s how long we’ve been together) And H was like “long term :p” ) heh. Pltzzzz.

I was walking down the hallway at work last nite. I remember exactly where I was, too. Like, three windows away from the corner of the courtyard/hallway. And just thinking to myself how…I dunno how to explain it. Just. The feeling or the thoughts that I quite easily pictured myself with AJ forever. That I didn’t want to picture myself with anyone else. And that, for a weird change, I *wanted* that…like…Usually with GoodThings, they scare me. And this does too. But. Not in the same way? Like….my brain -accepts- the fact that we’re ‘destined’ to be together for the long haul, good times and bad.

I’m so anxious to start a new chapter of life. Which is prolly why I’m trying to hold back and really *think* about things before just jumping in. Cuz. I really, really want to just find somewhere to live and start Our life. I want kids. (No, not like, right now. But. In a few years. I’d say 30, but that only puts AJ at 27ish, so she may not be ready for that yet, so I’ll go with 35.) Or. Ya know. Whenever we’re stable enough for all that. I’m about ready to stab the whole biological clock dealio thing tho. Especially since AJ’s keen on adopting an older kid. Need to tame down the whole Infant Urges!

lah. What was I babbling about? meds are kicking in I do believe??

Oh well. sex=bad. kids=good. thankfully being a lesbian means that kids came come about without sex. Tho, I’m sure our relationship will suffer eventually if I don’t get things straightened out.

er. not literally. :p boys=YUCKY. (no offense to any present company. but. penii are just not natural.)

I took these at work this morning. Or yesterday morning, I guess. Sunday. Easter morning.