fine point, black ink. there is no other way.

cordova is officially dead.

need to get rid of the snake and bearded before i kill them as well.

was s’posed to take car in for inspection today. but i fucked up and didn’t have insurance papers, etc and therefore couldn’t get it inspected. couldn’t find anyone to drive me back up there (or rather, drive me home after I dropped my car off there.) so. fuck.

then walked to a panel. supposed to be allies and building bridges. but i’m not sure why allies even bothers to show up because other than introducing ourselves and the occasional stuck in comment, we don’t generally say much of anything. *shrugs* j’s panel on thursday is the last one with bb this semester. and the last one i think i’ll do. i try to make it to as many panels as i can, but for those ones it’s just simply not worth it. it just annoys me so what’s the point?

j attended the panel too, tho, and i ended up being in a group with her. heh. fun. it’s always interesting to see her in non-therapy mode. anyways. so we walked to her office after the panel. i didn’t have my journal w me, since i hadn’t even written in it this week anyways. but. we double-journalled anyhow, just on paper. about other things. i sat there most of the time with tears just pleading to fall. and every now and again some would slip out. they taunt me. :p

i like the double journalling. i don’t mind writing. it’s just hearing myself talk that i hate. and j is always saying that her writing is nearly illegible, but it’s really not. it’s very flow-y. Once you determine how all of her letters are shaped, it’s generally easy to read. i especially like the way she makes “f” and the “&” symbol (only not that one…the one that’s like a curvy capital E with the line vertically thru the middle….) but also most any letter with a descender. heh. right. i’ll stop staring at peoples’ handwriting now. lah. but. i am pretty good at deciphering/picking out peoples’ penmanship….at work Mary and lots of the others are always like “[Echo!] Who wrote this???” and I can almost always tell who it is. And don’t exactly understand why they can’t…I mean, everyone has a different slant, different curves, different shapes for things. *shrugs* oh well.

i dunno. i just want to be away. but be away without constantly feeling guilty/being worried about all the shit waiting for me when i get back.