Fuscia skies and blue eyes…

So. It was a beautiful day today. In between clinical and classes, I got lunch and was sitting at one of the picnic tables that was all shaded by the trees. Ironically, even tho I was in the middle of the lawn, I was able to connect to wireless network. This is ironic because I’m unable to connect to it in almost every building on campus. *rolls eyes* Anyways.

So, Nikki starts walking towards me and was like “mind if I join you?” I didn’t mind, I was reading my soc psy stuff, but I had actually already read it, so I was just kinda staring at it, enjoying the breeze. She and I were in the same clinical group last semester. The nursing class is something like 56 students, and I’m not social so I don’t know most of them. But you tend to become friends or feel a special bond between the people who you end up in clinical with. Or at least with some of them. I wouldn’t say she and I were close, but I dunno. We know random details of each others’ lives, just as all of us do, because our clinical post conference last semester? Yeah. Mostly just us sitting around jabbering until the instructor was like “oh let’s just go home!” heh. Anyways. So. She’s a nice girl. Young. I mean, yeah she’s 19ish, which isn’t altogether much younger than me, but she’s just…fresh out of high school and such, ya know? Very sweet. She got married over the summer. heh. Maybe she’s 20? Dunno.

So we were talking and she asked me how my summer was, and I was like “Work. More work. And sleep. Then more work…” heh. And we chit chatted, taking breaks in between to read our respective books/papers. heh. And she asked me if I was seeing anyone…heh. I was like “Well….yeah…..AJ, who is amazing” heh. Played the pronoun-game for a bit, ya know “They” instead of “she” And it wasn’t a situation where I could like, back out of? Or….I guess I was thinking to myself that I could either stutter over trying to figure out how to continue using “AJ” and “they” instead of “she”, or I could just be natural and honest about it. One of those moments that I’ve wondered how I would react. Ironically, in social psych we were just learning how ppl say one thing, but do another. I always kinda said to myself that I’d just not hide it, if anyone asked. I wouldn’t necessarily bring it up, but I wouldn’t hide it, either.

I’m kinda proud to say that, I did what I said I’d do. heh. Of course, my entire class probably already assumes I’m gay, but still. And. Nikki didn’t like, drop the conversation immediately or move on to other topics…we talked for quite a bit about AJ and I. So. It was really, really nice. Even tho I dunno if she was freaked out, but hiding it or just fine with it or whatever. It doesn’t matter- her response doesn’t so much matter. But I realized that AJ’s just too wonderful to hem-haw around with when the topic comes up. She’s amazing, and I love telling people how much I adore her. And. I’m just…proud of her. (of? Proud to be with her, I guess is what I mean? heh. Semantics…) And don’t care to hide her. And if that means outing myself in a situation where ordinarily it wouldn’t come up, then…I will. 🙂

Of course. Right now I miss her so frikking much it hurts. heh. And therapy-stuff, at times, is really accentuating her absence. Uh. Accentuating? No…uh…the word that means it’s really making her absence stand out, be at the forefront of my mind, etc. lah.

Need to sleep, as last nite I was up most of the nite, again. And this weekend I just have so much frigging shit to do it’s unbelievable. ARGH.