Dontcha wish your girlfriend was…

UGH. So. As I’m driving home from skewl tonite, I can’t figure out WHY I have a raging headache. Until I remember that while driving TO skewl this morning, I realized that I had forgotten to take my meds this morning. Brilliant, Echo, just brilliant. *sigh*

Classes weren’t so bad. I SHOULD be doing a shite load of reading right now, but aforementioned head issues are impeding that process. Oi. Social Psych looks to be fun. heh. Sitting thru Dr F’s 75minute general psych class looks to be interesting as well. Intriguing how you can learn totally different things in classes with the same name….Ah well. But. heh. Yeah. Social Psych. We were talking about social/group identities and she had us write down some we associated with and then everyone else who associated with it was to stand up too. She’s like “I garauntee someone else in the class will be associated with it too, at least ONE person….” Riiiight. Which one did I say? Feminist. Did anyone else stand? lol. Of COURSE not. Although Dr F was like “Hey, I’m with ya on that one!!” *grin* I decided to not throw out the whole “LGTB” group association. Not on the first day, anyways 🙂 Good times.

OWIE my head hurts. And my throat. Eeep. It was raining really bad on the way home. Lots of hydroplaning going on. Joy. *sigh*

I got home and found mail from the Assistance Office. All of this paperwork to fill out…a “Job Readiness Assessment” which. Uh. Employment and Training Program…?? I’m not sure if it’s just required or if my caseworker doesn’t understand me that I have a job (two, in fact) AND that I’m in school (ie, enrolled in a ‘training’ program….) So. It’s like When did you work last? Uh. Last week…Do you expect to work within 60 days? yeah. Friday, as a matter of fact. Which of the following do you need help to enable you to go to work now?…training, language, med problems, drug/alcohol probs, need eyeglasses, limited ability to read, limited ability to write, child care, transportation, fam problems, driver’s license, completing high school, other… Uh. Not sure if I should check one of those? I need TIME to enable me to go to work…And at the bottom, where the caseworker checks boxes, under the Individual is….Job ready/Not job ready she has checked Not job ready…

I…don’t really understand all of this. Makes me feel kinda stupid.

7pm and I’m going to take my evening meds, at least, and go to bed. How pathetic!! Even tho I need to go pick up my new scripts from the pharmacy, since I only have enough to last me thru tomorrow morning. Well. Actually thru tomorrow nite, since I so stupidly forgot to take them this morning.

haha. I just realized that my rent is coming due. haha. That’s funny. *rolls eyes* Hopefully I’ll be able to swing it, once the money M gave me last week is deposited into my acct. And then most everything is paid for and I should be able to be ok until my next psych center paycheck. Even tho my credit card is on the verge of melting. Stupid gasoline. $15, and barely a half a tank….I’m not sure how much longer I can do that!!!

And. My financial aid prospects? Are looking scarily dim. At this point I’m wondering how long I can stay enrolled before they figure out that I haven’t/can’t pay for the semester….

I need…to stop living like this. Very, very soon. I don’t know how people survive, living from one week to the next their entire lives.

Which is prolly why, once I graduate (gawdwilling) and pass the boards (pleasepleasegawd) and pay off my loans (hopefully in less than 80 yrs…), I will more likely than not, end up doing a shite-load of volunteer kind of work. I’d consider Shriner’s, if they weren’t all…religious-y and stuff. eheh. (Gah. I felt like SUCH a heel today in class. We all had to stand up and say something about ourselves. And one woman was like “blah blah blah…and I’m becoming a nurse because that’s what the Good Lord has planned for me…” And. And thankfurk..at least I didn’t snort out loud. That’s so horrible of me, that knee-jerk reaction. Maybe it’s just jealousy, ya know? No higher-being ever let ME in on the plan for my life….what’s up with that?)

But. Yeah. I just. I dunno. Part of me knows it sounds…’childish’ or…or like a pipe-dream or something but….I think if I have the ability to help people who otherwise can’t be helped (because of financial-ish issues) then…that’s what I want to do. And. I dunno. I know that my inability to say No to people, and always over-extending myself is one of my downfalls. But. But I think part of it is just my intrinsic nature. Not to sound all…altruistic or something. Just. Some people need high paying jobs and status and corner offices with skyline views. And…if that’s what they need, I hope they achieve it. But. I don’t have any desire for all of that. And people my family always tells me that I’m foolish. Always insists that I’m going to be a nurse and nurses make great wages and I’ll be so well off….I think they’re gonna be sorely disappointed.

I’m not saying I plan to live in a shack. Or that I necessarily plan to go without. Just that. I don’t think I’ll be happy if I’m not…giving. Is that wrong of me? I dunno. I guess it just…confuses me. Because. I don’t understand how people can be millionairres. Or. Nowadays I guess being a millionairre isn’t all that difficult but…billionairres and things. How does one live with oneself? How do you make all of that money and just…just go on with life? Without feeding small nations or paying teachers better or *something*? And. I know, many many superstars and such “give back” to their communities. But then the next nite they show up to some awards show wearing a 8 thousand dollar dress. That’s not me. (Well, besides the fact that it’s a dress to begin with. I’d feel the same about an 8 thousand dollar pair of jeans…)

And I’m not meaning to…insult rich people, or imply that everyone should live below their means. I just think that. I’ve learned enough about me to know that, as long as I have enough to get by- maybe a smidgen more- that’s all I need for myself. Heh. And hopefully AJ’s not the type who requires diamonds and yachts every year.

This is not to say that I’m above spending a lot of money to travel to Europe or Australia or anything. Just. Ugh. I dunno what I’m trying to say. Just that. A life of excess isn’t my style? *shrugs* I’m not sure I really know many people who it IS their style. Given that most of the people I know are professors/teachers/healthcare workers/social workers/psychologists-who-don’t-charge-$700 an hour/etc. All fields which are, in general, underpaid to begin with.

Right. I’ll shut up.

I guess. I’m more…communistic….? than democratic? Or. Something. I’m certainly WAY more collectivistic than individualistic. eheh.

I was shutting up, wasn’t I….