I’m sorry I can’t be perfect….

la la la. Is prolly a good thing I’m at M’s right now, doing laundry. Cuz. Ya know. The old ones haven’t even completely healed yet. *slams head on desk*

It’s 730pm. The current load of clothes has another 20 mins in the dryer. Then I have one last load to dry. Which means I’ll be here til prolly 830 or 9 at least. Which by then M and co will be home (tho they were s’posed to be home around 6, so I’m a tad worried…) which means I’ll prolly end up staying longer. Or. Shorter, depending on the mood. heh. *sigh*

And I have work tonite at 11. Joy. Oh well. At least the next pay will be ok. At least I hope. heh. It has to be. That’s about all there is to it. There’s no choice in the matter. So.

I have such a headache. I wanted to come over here and type up all the stuff I had left to type up for Dr F’s website, like her Vita (vitae?) and corrected syllabi. But once I got here, I realized that I didn’t even have the corrected syllabi. And to make matters worse- I can’t even think for the life of me where it might BE. Fuckityfuckfuckfuck.

I called and left a msg on AJ’s phone, saying I wouldn’t be able to come up this weekend. She called me back a little while later. It was a…quiet…conversation. Rather, it was silence broken by a few words here and there. Mostly I was trying to stop crying/not start sobbing (so i’m a sap. fuck off.) cuz she was at work and just. Doesn’t need me being all broken and shit over the phone at her. Especially over a situation that neither of us can really do anything about, much.

I wonder if the shooting pains stabbing the right side of my head have anything to do with stress. heh. It’s like, the right side of my skull hurts. And my ear feels all plugged. Doublejoy. Good thing I have a dr’s appt tomorrow so she can tell me that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. Good thing.

I’m tired. Edgy. Not looking forward to a crazybusy milieu tonite at work. Even if everyone is asleep/stays asleep…there’s still just SO much work to do. And we don’t have time at nite to catch up on any of the shit we usually catch up on, like making admission packs or d/c packs or shift packs or cleaning (really cleaning) or defrosting the fridges or carefully checking the charts or…or anything.

I just want to sleep. Evermore, evermore.

…and i can’t stand the pain, and i can’t make it go away…no i can’t stand the pain….how could this happen to me i made my mistakes got nowhere to run the nite goes on as i’m fading away…i’m sick of this life…i just wanna scream how could this happen to me…everybody’s screaming…i try to make a sound but no one hears me…i’m slipping off the edge i’m hangin’ by a thread i wanna start this over again….so i try to hold on to a time where nothing mattered…and i can’t explain what happened and i can’t…erase the things that i’ve done….no i can’t….how could this happen to me…i’ve made my mistakes…got nowhere to run…the nite goes on as i’m fading away…i’m sick of this life…i just wanna scream how could this happen to me….i’ve made my mistakes got nowhere to run…the ntie goes on as i’m fading away…i’m sick of this life…i just wanna scream…how could this happen to me….. -simple plan-

what.the.fuck.ever