Innocent. we are.

I posted the lyrics to that song because it’s somehow uplifting. I dunno. It just makes me feel good in that kind of…”someone put my heart to music, and it’s not as ugly as I believe it is…” kind of a feeling.

The panel went well, I thought. Whew. I feel MUCH less stressed now. There weren’t many questions, but I think just hearing their stories and stuff was powerful and informative enough. Because while I hold absolutely no prejudices against trans people at all, it’s one of those things that I kind of look at and go “oh. Uh…ok, if it makes you happy” but didn’t really understand, ya know? But listening to the same sentiments over and over again…I feel like now I understand (insomuchas someone who hasn’t actually experienced something can understand it) better. I empathise. I definately, definately empathise.

Heh. Some funny bits….at one point the one woman – a therapist- was like “can I ask, are there any lesbians here? who are out and proud” etc (something like that anyhow) and it was funny cuz…*shrugs* My hand was in the air before my brain really even thought about it. I dunno. I guess it’s just…random affirmation for myself. *shrugs* But then of course, for some reason later on she chose ME as an example, as she was talking about people having sex and stuff. I could tell by the way Buss was chuckling and by the tingling in my ears that I was probably redder than a beet. *rolls eyes* I mean, I didn’t mind so much, I just thought it was pretty damn ironic that she probably chose the ONE dyke in the audience who would be the MOST embarassed about such things. Oi vey!!

And! I didn’t realise it before, but the gal who I’d been communicating with to get this all put together- she’s in nursing school too!!! I was double-excited about that. (The first excitement was that the last time we met, she was still anatomically male, but she’s since had her reassignment surgery and was allllll girl now!! How cool is that?!!!!)

It feels good to…I dunno….I feel like I accomplished something. I worked pretty damn hard (ok, maybe not ‘hard’ but…I was quite persistant at least) to get all of this together, and I think (or I hope) that the audience benefited from it. And even if they didn’t…at least they heard some real stories and had the CHANCE to see a different perspective on life, even if they choose not to pay attn to it. Their loss.

The only downside of the evening was Doc E, who continues to get creepier and more annoying everytime I talk to him. He’s so fucking pessimistic and bitchy. I wanted to wrap his bearded little face in duct tape and then rip it off. Slowly. :op But, otherwise, the evening went well.

Then Jay invited me back to his place to watch Hedwig and the Angry Inch but it was 930 by that point, and a bunch of people I don’t really know also invited themselves, and I have an exam in the morning, so I declined.

I feel pretty well prepared for my exam. I didn’t read all of the assigned chapters, but I did read a good chunk of them, and I really paid attn in class, and I went over my notes several times today and re-listened to 4 of the 6 or 8 lectures we had. And, as far as I can tell, she gave us the answer to at least 50% of the questions. So. I think I’ll look over my notes once more tonite and then sleep (pleeeaaasegawdletmefallasleep) and then get up in the morning and hopefully get to campus in time to review my notes once more. But. I remember most of the essential stuff.

Progesterone is the most important hormone of pregnancy. The most common psychological response to preg. is ambivalence. The ONLY three -positive- signs of preg (not presumptive or probable, mind you) are 1. detection of fetal heart beat 2. palpation of fetal outline by a trained examiner and 3. uhh…shite…blood test? hrm. Will hafta check on that. What else what else….Chadwick’s sign is the change in colour to bluish of the cervical tissue (due to vasculare congestion). You MUST have narcane on hand when a woman is receiving narcotics. You MUST have calcium…bicarbonate?? around when a woman is receiving pregnancy inducers…uh can’t remember their real name. Pitocin is one aka vitamin P. shite. NEVER do a vag exam on a woman who’s having vag bleeding. If the cord prolapses it’s an IMMEDIATE medical emergency and will require a c-section, and before you even call the doctor you must position her on her side (preferably left), put the cord back in, and give her oxygen and IV hydration. Eye contact is a sign of disrespect in laotion and cambodian cultures. Normal wt gain is important, and should be 25-35lbs, with 3 1/2 lbs in the first trimester and a pound a week for the rest of the preg. Folic acid is VERY important- at least 400mg/day thru diet rather than pills (eat spinach), cuz it prevents neural tube defects. Ultrasounds are relatively non-invasive and relatively comfortable, except for the having to drink 2 quarts of water before hand. Aspiration is very common with general anesthesia. Nagles Rule to determine EDD…take first day of last period, subtract three months, add seven days.

Damn. Calcium glutanate, no bicarbonate. To be used when using magnesium sulfate which is used for PIH. And tocolytics are given to slow premature labour, brethine being the most common. And DUH. Ultrasound is the third positive indicator of pregnancy. *rolls eyes* The good thing is, it’s multiple choice, as always. So I am pretty good at picking the right one. (Apparently not on the last exam. meh.)

Ugh. Tired now. Review, then bed!