Cranky

I discovered, as I was cleaning off my desk earlier this morning, that the current work schedule ended tonite. And I didn’t have the new one. So I went up to the psych center and got one. *sigh* I work on my birthday! We’re supposed to get our birthday’s *off* Oh well. It really doesn’t matter to me, as it’s just another day. I also have therapy that day. Fun.

I work Thursday thru Saturday, but I need to switch with someone since I told M I’d watch the kids on Friday. Which means I’ll probably be working Monday night or Tuesday night, since Jeff’s the only one who can work for me on Friday. I hope he says yes.

Getting my schedule put me in a bad, bad mood. I am glad that I have twice as many days this month than I did last month, but 75% of those days fall during school breaks. Which is…good and bad. Actually, mostly bad. Since I planned on using this break to catch up with everything, and the next break studying for the exam that I’ll have right afterwards. Donna doesn’t know my school schedule tho, except for the nights I can and can’t work. So I can’t really bitch. Nor do I want to. I wish I could just quit this job. It’s getting so stressful. I walk in there and it’s like….all of the negativity from the hundreds of patients that have roamed the halls just seeps into my blood. It’s getting to me.

I went out to the UI last nite (a bar caddy-corner across the street from my apt) I didn’t plan to, I just happened to return Jay’s call and that’s where he was and he offered to buy me a drink, and I figured that I didn’t have school or anything else today, so why not…heh. I guess I had fun. Except for the extreme guilt that I feel every time I imbibe on alcoholic beverages. Eheh. I was drinking g&t’s and out of the…4 or 5 that I had, I only bought 1. I think I only had 4. Which, of course, was plenty for me. It was Jay and Kat and Wolfie and I. I found out that Kat doesn’t hate me, as I feared, rather she just thinks I am very quiet. And. I am hating Wolfie less now, which is good. I don’t like disliking people. Well, not most people anyways. Especially people who’ve never done anything negative to me or my friends. I just had an aversion to Wolfie cuz he is/was pretty hardcore in to drugs, and I don’t especially like to be associated with that kind of stuff.

Anyways. The conversation was quite interesting, ranging from cutting to anxiety to anti-depressants to the wonderful band that was playing (a guy on a guitar and a girl playing the violin. Can we say YUMMY?) to masturbation (yeah, I was on my last drink by then and was definately NOT sober. Oi vey.) Kat has decided that I’m such a tense and jumpy and depressed person because I’m sexually repressed and needed release. *rolls eyes* Sadly I had to inform her that, if that was the case, then I’m always going to be tense, jumpy and depressed. heh. Anyways

Jay was kind of morose and sad by the end of the evening, and I was feeling guilty that I couldn’t help him be happy, so I decided to leave and go to bed rather than drink more to forget that he was sad. I was at my limit anyways. Not drunk, cuz I was going slow, but sufficiently buzzed and another half a drink woulda pushed me over. I came home and all I remember doing is spraying myself with body mist stuff because I reeked of cigarette smoke, and falling into bed. I must’ve fallen asleep as soon as I lay down. Oh wait, no. Cuz I emailed J. lol. Oi.

Today I got up, put the dishes in a sink full of soapy water (but have yet to wash them…), cleaned off my desk, and vacuumed the bedroom and bathroom floors. They needed it. I also wrote a poem that I’m not at all happy with, but I just have to let it go and turn it in cuz I can’t be stressed over it any more.

I also went to Wally World and got some food and a frame for the Mmm…Chicken print that Jay gave me (The chicken eating the hamburger). He came over while I was out to use my computer, and so he was here when I got back. He seemed like he had been crying so I was like “What’s wrong??” heh. He said he had recently had a moment.

See, my cats aren’t always the friendliest creatures. They can be somewhat stand off-ish or skittish around people. Jay firmly believes that my cats hate him. (They don’t, else they’d hide under the bed while he was here. They don’t often let him pet them, but they don’t hide, either) Apparently while he was at the computer, Journey walked in and he said Hi to her. And the next thing he knew, she was in his lap cuddling him. And it made him cry cuz he thought it was so sweet and touching. *smiles* I love that boy.

Ok. Back to the work.