Attention: REAL ENTRY WITHIN!

So it took me over a month to finally sit down and write a real entry. I know some of you are waiting for all the details on the house, and I promise, I’ll do my best to get them all down here. Now that I have a wireless modem (came with the new internet service) and can update from my laptop while in the living room, I’m hoping this will encourage me to write more.

First, I must give a long over-due thank you to EVERYONE who came by and left such nice notes on my entry about the house. I had almost forgotten what a wonderful community I’m a part of here. I’m planning on going through and thanking you all individually, and again, I am sorry it took me so long to do it. There’s just been a LOT going on recently, and in truth, I haven’t felt like writing about it.

I think it’s funny that the whole reason I started this diary was to have a place to write about my feelings and deal with my problems. A place where I didn’t have to edit myself, and could (usually) figure out what direction I needed to take after getting all my thoughts down on paper (so to speak). This diary was a tool in helping me deal with the death of my father, and for other problems I faced as life went on. And now, at a time when I was dealing with the most stress I’ve ever dealt with, I couldn’t muster the energy or the enthusiasm to sit down and write. Which is a shame, because I think it would have really helped me deal with things. And the amazing advice and encouragement I receive from everyone here also helps. I don’t know why I hesitate to write these days. I always say, "I’ll do it later." Then later comes, and I find another excuse. I think part of it is I’m a little afraid of what might come out if I sit down and really think about things. Sometimes talking about your problems makes them all the more real, and it can get a little overwhelming. I also think I’m disappointed in my writing lately. I read back over some of my old entries, and while a lot of my stuff was stupid drama I could have avoided, I was impressed with the way I phrased certain things, and how deep I could be at times. My writing lately feels.. shallow. And I’m sure that’s because I don’t give it my all. There’s so much time between entries that they end up becoming summaries of my life, just facts and no feelings. Bah. I’m rambling. I’ll try to do better. Now on to a happier subject.

The house!! We moved in on August 28th. I still can’t believe we own a house. We’ve been here a week now, and I still wake up and wonder if I’m dreaming. I feel like I’m house-sitting for someone. Like this can’t possibly be our home. We’re slowly starting to get things arranged how we want them. There’s still boxes everywhere, but the living room is actually starting to look like real room. The bedroom was the first thing to get set up, but even it’s not totally done. Our office, which is upstairs, is a disaster. We threw out our old desk, and haven’t gotten a new one yet, so our computer is set up on boxes. It is so completely ghetto, but it works for now haha. We were planning on buying a desk from Ikea, but Stan has talked himself out of it (which I knew would happen). We’re gonna look at Target and Wal-Mart tonight to see if there’s anything we like, and I know he wants to go to the flea market tomorrow to see if we can find new end tables and a new coffee table. We got a new loveseat (which is soooooo comfy) and threw out the brown leather recliner we had. We still have the couch and the blue recliner, which will go upstairs in what Stan is calling The Game Room eventually, but will stay downstairs for now. Our pool is blue and clean, and so very relaxing after a long day. Here’s hoping I can finally get off my fat ass and start doing laps and exercise more.

Closing day on the house was… interesting. The home owner’s insurance lady gave us the wrong info on what we had to pay to activate our policy, and so we had to cancel the check we sent her and pay for the whole policy at the closing. Also, every one else was over 30 minutes late to the meeting. Fired. Then, after all the papers were signed and we were ready to get the keys, the listing agent (aka, the Key Nazi) refused to give us the keys until the money was funded. Which didn’t happen until the next day. So we went home feeling a little cheated, and it ruined the fun day we had planned. Stan was soooo pissed off, which made me grumpy, and it just wasn’t pretty. But we did get the keys the next day, and all was well. We really had the best realtor ever, and I will recommend her to anyone in the Orlando and surrounding area who wants to buy a house. She was stellar. She even bought us a one-year warranty for the house, which was incredibly sweet!! 🙂 Througout the month of August, we had new carpet installed in the bedrooms and on the stairs. We tried to lay wood laminate flooring ourselves, but that soooo did not happen haha. Easy my ass. We also had a garage door opener installed, and hired a man to cut the super-tall grass for us. Stan is determined to mow it himself from now on, but we’ll see how long that lasts 😉

Our marriage hit a rough point in August. On top of dealing with the house, Stan had to worry about his mom, along with work. Did I mention she broke her other hip? I think it was sometime in July. She was in a rehab center for awhile, and is now back living with his sister. Anywho, we basically had our first dry spell. We didn’t have sex for 4 1/2 weeks. Now, I’m no nympho, but even that is too long for me. And of course, my sex drive decided that was the time it wanted to start ramping up. Turns out, some of that had to do with me getting my period (which hasn’t happened in a few months, again), but most of it was just wanting him. We fought about, and about everything. I cried so much in August. It was ridiculous. Someone asked me why I didn’t just pounce on him and seduce him. Thing is, I was doing all the seducing lately. I knew he was stressed, and tired, and I didn’t want to force him. And I didn’t want to get rejected. And I wanted to be wanted. For the most part, I determine when we have sex. Which is fine by me. I don’t mind being in control. But every now and again, I want him to want me so bad he can’t wait for me to make a move. And I felt like it might be a chore. There’s lot of factors that went into the problem, and believe me, we hashed them all out and then some. The G household was a very tense one for awhile. But all was resolved on Sunday night. He was taking a nap while I watched True Blood, and when I went into the bedroom to wake him up, well, he was up in more ways than one 😉 I actually cried when we were done. I felt bad about it, but I just was so happy and so RELIEVED that things were finally okay. The tears didn’t last long, and we went for round two shortly after 😉 I also told him that he’d woken to monster and that we’d go back to me intiating things, but that he still had to take the reigns more too. He agreed, and I’m happy to report that we’re finally back to how we should be. With the sex has come more romantic talks and flirting, and we’re just back to being us. I’m quite happy about that. Because it wasn’t just about the lack of sex. With all this stress, he was also being so mean. Snapping at me constantly, picking fights, yelling. Awful. Thank God it’s over.</p>

I’m still at Chase, and I still hate it. I’m still looking for another job, and not having much luck finding anything. A couple good things come along each week, but no one ever calls me for an interview. Bastards.

Well, I was really hoping to make this a longer entry, but I’ve got a phone call to make, and Stan will be home soon. Have a great weekend, everyone!