… doin’ it for themselves
I went to visit my sister. She lives quite a way away from me, and I have previously always mitigated the journey (and the cost of the ticket) by visiting her from home. That is, my parents’ home (see previuos entry). I called National Rail Enquiries and asked how much it would cost to go and see Eve, and how long it would take. The time made my eyes water, but , well, y’know: it would be worth it.
“And how much would the ticket be?” I enquired, adding, “I’ve got a young person’s railcard.”
The operator answered and I swayed a little.
“So how much is that with the Young Person’s discount?….. WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘that’s the discounted price’? How can that be a discount? In what way is that a cheaper fare? Dear Mother of God!”
Except of course I didn’t say any of that. I just blanched and scribbled down the fare and the times and nodded (why do we nod and smile when we’re on the phone?) and said “Thankyou” very sweetly.
But, as Anne said rather longingly, thinking of her twin brother who is her only sibling, “What price sisterhood?” and what price sisterhood indeed? I gritted my teeth and went for it.
And it was wonderful. Eve is like me. But not like me. She is thinner, blonder and prettier than me (me? jealous?) but also shorter and not as academic (her? jealous?). She has green eyes, I have blue, but we have the same long dark eyelashes. She wears heels, I wear trainers. She shops in Warehouse, I shop in New Look. Sometimes I think that we are as different as two people can be, but there were people at school who could not tell us apart.
We have links that only a shared childhood can forge. We can cackle for hours over silly games we played when we were little, and episodes from our family’s past that suddenly strike us. At the moment, we’re really enjoying trying to suss out of relations as real people, not just as ‘adults’ who would swoop down at Christmas with bags of salted peanuts and armfuls of presents. We’re going back over the events that we accepted blindly as small children, and re-assessing them critically. And it’s fascinating. Sometimes I think that the world is so full of misery, even here where we have enough to eat, so many members of my family have been through things that should rightfully have broken them. An individual’s capacity for sorrow and suffering seems infinite. But then I think of the way that my relations got through these things, and the way that people do get through these things, and I am charmed and bowled over by the resilience of the human spirit, and the strength of the will for emotional survival.
And of course Eve and I laugh at our parents. Their irritating habits. Their contradictory ways. Their paradoxical beliefs. For all of their annoying qualities, neither of us would have them any other way.
We watched ‘Labyrinth’ as we cooked dinner, absent-mindedly chopping potatoes and onions and singing to each other,
‘You remind me of the babe’
‘What babe?’
‘The babe with the power’
‘What power?’
‘The power of voodoo’
‘Who do?’
‘You do!’
‘Do what?’
‘Remind me of the babe!’
We sat and watched Heartbreakers, eating Ben and Jerry’s, and commenting sporadically on Jennifer Love Hewitt,
“My God, she needs to put on some weight!”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah.”
“More ice cream?”
“Yes please.”
We put the kettle on every other minute, and in the mornings clambered back into bed, with the teapot and milk handy for refills. We ate fish and chips by the sea, and discussed at length how the application of salt and vinegar in a chip-shop is somehow better than anything you could do at home.
“I’ve got a big pool of vinegar at the bottom of my chips!” said Eve, tipping up her polystyrene tray to show me.
Eve and I can fight like cat and dog, except worse, because cats and dogs don’t know each other’s weak points the way you do after living together for sixteen years. For about fourteen of those years, there was nothing that Eve and I didn’t know about each other. Which meant that although we loved each other, that familiarity could breed contempt of the most virulent kind. Sometimes, the way that I breathe as I’m going to sleep can drive Eve up the wall, just as the way that she speaks when she’s embarrassed can annoy me more than anything else.
For ten years or possibly more, we played together every day. We played in the garden (fairies) or in the house (boarding schools), we played with our My Little Ponies, we made jigsaws, we drew pictures together, we froliced in the paddling pool, we made models from Fimo and played out their lives and families…
And that’s why I like seeing Eve, because although she’s so different, and although we no longer live in the same place, and while she irritates the hell out of me more frequently than anyone else I know, and while I often wish that she also needed glasses, or that men wouldn’t stare at her so obviously in the street…. she’s also a part of me. The ways that we are different are only so striking because we are so used to being the same.
I never understood the old stereotype of people crying at weddings until, aged around 17, I suddenly thought that one day Eve might get married, and my eyes filled up on the spot.
I can’t imagine her finding someone who would be willing to put up with her foibles, her grumpiness, her nasty habits, her terrible temper, her fussiness, or her love of boybands. But then I can’t imagine ever finding anyone who deserved her, either.
with sisterly love
therumtumtugger
xxxx
I loved this. It’s what family and sibling relationships are all about. (I know…but I’m different) 😉 Anyway…Readers Choice just ‘cuz it warmed my heart 🙂 (((Hugs)))
Warning Comment
Aww 🙂 That is so incredibly sweet. I wish I had a sister! Hehe.
Warning Comment
you have an older sister too? where did she come from? and why haven’t you told us about her before? I feel decieved! (*smile* only teasing! but we have heard about your cute younger sister quite a bit.)
Warning Comment
There is nothing better in the whole wide world than a sister. Mine’s coming for a visit in a month. I can hardly contain my anticipation!
Warning Comment
this is so sweet of you!
Warning Comment
I can only hope that my little sister thinks of me as kindly….
Warning Comment
This reminds me of me and my sister. We fight like cats and dogs but there’s nobody else I can giggle with quite like I do with her ;o)
Warning Comment
This makes me want a sister all over again. I mean, my brother’s the nicest brother anyone could ask for, but there’s something about a sister. RYN: Perhaps it’s good I lost the power of speech around Copperfield. Or could have come out “Hi, uh, *drool* David *drool drool*. So, heh, *slurp* when I was 15 *droolity drool*….” and he would think me retarded. Of course, he would be correct.
Warning Comment
Interesting entry. I don’t think I have that kind of relationship with my siblings. My brother is five years younger than me and my sister is seven years younger. I’m just a surrogate, open-minded and Westernised father to them. Although as you may well know, I’ve got some jealousy towards my brother, he is better looking, taller and more intelligent than I am.
Warning Comment
This is a lovely entry and that You Remind Me Of The Babe thing – I had totally forgotten my sister and I used to say that to each other all the time! I can remember thinking I was going to literally die laughing one day because she used to make me giggle so much!
Warning Comment
That was nice 🙂
Warning Comment
This is so beautiful. I’ve always wanted a sister, and now I want one more than ever.
Warning Comment
RYN: The Big brother incident could be a fake. I’m not getting to excited about it :-). I think its a case of me hoping for reflected glory. However, I don’t think my readers appreciate the closeness that Myleene and I had. She was in the year below, she beat me in a piano competition although my sister beat her brother. However, this I think has inspired a very quick entry.
Warning Comment
RYN2: I nearly appeared in a reality TV show/makeover type programme. Such is the state of my love life, I considered and nearly appeared on Would Like to Meet on BBC2. The new series (which I would have appeared in) starts on Wednesday at 8pm. I talk about it in late november in the entry, ‘The Casting Couch’.
Warning Comment
ryn: No, I’ve not heard of the Arvon foundation. I would love to have the details if you’d send them to me. My current internet e-mail is either thinksalot@vizzavi.net or odsthinksalot@yahoo.com
Warning Comment
RYN on Hugh Grant: He’s probably getting a bit older to keep playing the shy awkward boy. Plus he seems like he enjoys playing the slightly chauvenistic guy much more. All I know is that the movie put him higher up on my list. List of what, I don’t know.
Warning Comment
RYN: You can remain calm rumtumtugger and put away the parcel bomb!!! The interview is not with the baby killers. At uni, I was well aware of the exploitation of 3rd World mothers through the sale of milk powder. In fact, my mother was on the frontline against such issues. She worked as a community nurse in South India when she was young and followed her training rather
Warning Comment
get persuaded by the freebies that a certain Swiss consumer goods manufacturer was offering.
Warning Comment
Thanks for your note. The 12 Step is helping the alcoholic who still suffers. It’s doing leg work like committee’s, make coffee, homegroup participation, answer phones at the central office, go to detox centers, hospital wards, etc. spreading the message that there is life in sobriety. It’s a great way to get out of ourselves and give instead of take for a change. Gives me purpose 🙂
Warning Comment
Damn you rtt, why do so many of your entries make me cry? 🙂 I downloaded some of the Labyrinth soundtrack a few weeks ago.. the songs are, quite possibly, the best things ever..
Warning Comment
RYN: It’s definitely a good thing. Your entries are things that I can come back to time and time again, and they’ll still make me smile/laugh/cry. I agree with your Alex comments, but no matter how pretty he is (and when he isn’t whining, he’s VERY pretty!) he needs to go because at the moment, I’m wanting to damage my TV every time he comes on 🙂 Hope you’re having a lovely weekend, xxx
Warning Comment
Thanks for reading me…this reminded me of my sister and I, who are only separated by a bit shy of 12 months in age. She lives closer though, so the visiting isn’t that strenuous on my pocketbook. I have loved her and hated her all in the same breath some days…life just wouldn’t be the same without her though.
Warning Comment
Hiya rtt! I can’t believe I missed this entry. Well, duh..right? It’s not like I’ve been posting/reading regularly. Shame, shame. But this was a timely one. My sister (and her brood) arrive tomorrow! I can’t wait but at the same time I’m dreading it. 🙂
Warning Comment
I am so glad you got to see Eve. I’m jealous of the chips and fish by the sea. We have the gulf of mexico, but they make oysters and shrimp gook here more than fish and chips and i miss that greatly. *drool* oh no, look what you started i say, longingly hugging my bottle of british malt vinegar. 🙂 HEY if y’all blended your eyes they’d be my fave colour TEAL! 🙂
Warning Comment
Thank you. 🙂
Warning Comment
I would have liked to leave a note on your most recent entry but its OD only no FOD notes:-). I kind of look at the CV writing/application form process as a creative process (no, not lying). I mean that I get a strange sense of satisfaction writing something that zings but you have to do it quickly. The HR staff aren’t giving your application the same amount of consideration as judging the
Warning Comment
Booker prize. In fact, most of them have a pro-forma points system: e.g. 1 point – the candidate likes the company 2 points – candidate shows interest in company and has shown some thought about appropriate skills; 4 points – candidate shows well reasoned arguments how previous experience has developed skills and interests in current role. btw, what kind of roles are you applying for?
Warning Comment
Another thing. Think Hamlet. Caring sensitive and thoughtful Hamlet spends ages doubting his capabilities and the where and whyfores? And because of his procrastination, he looses his state to rash, stupid Fortinbras. Go and get the jobs like a Fortinbras and stop being a Hamlet.
Warning Comment
*Sigh* ahhhhhhh! I wish I could have a time like that with my sister. Perhaps one day. And Labyrinth! I recently bought it for £4.99 in MVC, and it’s just as wonderful as I remember! “Ech! It’s so stimulating being your hat!”
Warning Comment