Laura

First, the previous entry. The missing answers were: 3 was Pretty In Pink, 4 was Till There was You (a really sappy romcom that I utterly adore but few have seen), 5 is Fever Pitch, 6 is 50 first dates and 10 was Hairspray – Alison Janney is my new heroine. She’s fabulously funny in Hairspray (and 10 things as well) and wonderful in the West Wing.

Life right now is like a dance. I’m either at the side, catching my breath, or whirling around without time to think, breathe or eat. I still feel really dark on some days but then others are so great and filled with laughter that the dark ones seem distant. I seem to gravitate towards this place on the dark days (although today is not one) and, in that way, the fact that my entries are so few and far between should be a good thing.

But, back to the dancing. I’m working, being a mum, knitting, baking, nct volunteering and studying up a storm at the moment. I did my first piece of assessed work for my post natal course the weekend before easter – a presentation on post natal services in my area. I rocked. I got a B! Yeah for me! I was surprised, I admit, because squeezing studying into everything else makes me feel I’m not doing much. But, I guess I am and I’m doing it right too, which is always a bonus I find.

Zoe’s now walking. Well, when I say walking, I mean virtually running. She’s a speedy minx, make no mistake. There are no recent photos of her because she doesn’t stay still long enough any more. Now when she sees the camera, she’s dashing towards you, hands outstretched to grab it from your hands. It makes for a lot of hand shots! Now the walking’s mastered, the words are following close behind – yes and no are the current favourites. Funny how she won’t listen and respect my no, but I’m expected to listen and respect hers. She’s also picked up signs from our sing and sign classes – cow, eat, hot, more and dog are the current ones. She’s such a strong minded little character now, so different from those early newborn days (the ones I remember anyway, through the haze of sleep deprivation).

Work is a nightmare beyond belief. Apparently, new contracts and more work mean firing 4 people (for being useless and not picking the job up in 6 months) and not hiring anybody so the rest of us work our fingers into little bloody stumps on the keyboards. It’s exhausting.

What else? It’s the Bookcrossing Convention in London next month and I’m gutted I can’t go, but I can’t afford the £50 fee, let alone accomodation, travel, meals, etc. It feels weird not to be going or responsible for organising anything. I’ve kind of missed it. I swore I’d never do it again and yet I find myself now thinking, "Maybe next year". Clearly, to do it again I’d have to give up something else. Eating maybe? I could stand to lose a bit of weight. I did give up chocolate for Lent. I’m so proud of myself. Total weight loss from this rather monumentous event – zilch. Why did I bother? No idea.

So there’s a snapshot of my life right now. It’s busy and mostly good. Some days aren’t so hot, but on the whole, I think I’m muddling through just fine.