Toxic

You know, sometimes, I think that if I could go back and change things I would. Not the big things but the little things like befriending someone at work. She lives on the road next to me and when she started I thought it’d be really nice to have some work friends. The friends we have outside of work drive me up the wall at times (one of them appears to be regressing and turning into some weird american tv character. No-one in particular just an amalgamation of lots of bad tv characters. Another’s getting married next month and another is naffing off to France next month to live. We’re all moving on with our lives and I’m not all that convinced that in 2 years time, let alone 10, we’re all gonna be as good friends) I thought it would be nice to have someone in Newcastle that Duncan didn’t already know, someone who was ‘mine’ in someway, like Melissa and Helen are. That making sense so far?

Anyway, I befriended this girl, let’s call her Vicky (which is, after all, her name). She seemed really nice at first. We got on really well, had a bit in common and she had a great sense of humour. Ok, emailing me every 10 minutes was getting a touch annoying as I was trying to complete my training and get a pay rise at the time, but I quite liked the chatting as well. We don’t chat very much in our office, it tends to interfere with everyone else’s work. But in the last couple of months she’s turned into a completely different person. She constantly complains about everything and I mean everything. When she’s not complaining she’s talking about celebrity gossip. She thinks I’m weird because I don’t watch any soaps (except neighbours. I’m not gonna apologise for that, I love neighbours) and I don’t watch programmes like changing rooms or property ladder. She’ll probably ridicule the fact that I won’t watch Big brother at the end of the month. She makes comments about my lunch (I’m not asking her to eat it) and the fact that I always have a book and they’re usually books she’s never heard. (currently reading Cold Mountain) But she doesn’t make fun in a nice, jokey way. She’s downright mean about it at times. I feel like I’m some freakish snob cos I watch Angel and 24 not eastenders and hollyoaks. I’m getting sick of feeling like crap about myself. Why do I let her make me feel like crap about myself? I’m 27 years old and still have insecurity issues? Does Duncan realise he’s marrying a child masquerading as a woman?

I’m going wedding dress shopping alone next weekend. Yes, alone. Mary’s gone to Jersey to surf (apparently she has no money but can afford a surfboard and trip to Jersey but not buy her own brother a wedding present *shakes head*) and Mel is busy. I don’t want to go on my own but there’s no-one else to ask. If this Vicky didn’t have a habit of being so mean I’d have asked her but still. Fingers crossed I’ll find something I like and can afford this time. I found a pic of the dress I loved last time. It’s here:

http://www.essensedesigns.com/files/onepiececatalogue.html

Second row, third one from the left. I still like it but I’ve seen similar designs for less money so will be trying those on next weekend.

Apologies for the whining entry. I feel crap about work and Duncan’s gone out with Niall for the evening. Just one of those days I guess.

Until there is a next time…

xx