Coming around again

‘Now I’m relaxed, I can’t be sure’ Matchbox 20 – If you’re gone

I’m not explaining the last entry. It can sit there and remind what a silly girl I can be at times.  I’ve had a prolonged absence. Normally there are weeks between entries but I still come and read everyone else’s diaries. But I’ve been ill and banned from the pc for more than working and checking my email. And I’ve only been working cos I can’t stand lying around at home all day. There is shite on tv during the day, even with 500 odd channels. I should know, I’ve subtitled a fair amount of rubbish recently.

I’ve had neuralgia, or a form of. Well, that’s according to the doctor. For those who don’t know, it means the nerve endings in one part of my head have all been buggered and convinced they should be telling the brain that my head is pain. By the second day I could barely sleep as my head and face was too tender to be having any pressure put on it. Apparently I should be lucky I didn’t get shingles, which it’s usually associated with, but believe me I didn’t feel lucky in anyway shape or form.  Work were great about it. I only took a day and a bit off, cos like I said, I couldn’t do anything at home. It didn’t matter where I was I was in pain, so I might as well have been being useful.

But I’m feeling much better now, hence my return here. Apart from being ill, it’s been an uneventful however long it’s been. I’ve become book-obsessed and I’m blaming the BBC. They’ve started their Big Read thing again with the top 100 books. I am watching it and keep thinking – “Oh, I haven’t got or read that one!” for just about every other book. So have been scouring ebay and the market stall in town for more books, plus joining too many rings/rays at book crossing. My to be read pile is starting to resemble a skyscraper and I still have three books due in the post, plus the two I bought this morning.  Damn it! I’m supposed to be saving for Christmas. Speaking of christmas, and I think I can as it’s now only 2 months, we got our cards, wrapping paper and a couple of presents today. I’m so organised, but not as bad as my mum, who already has most of the presents for the girls.

I’m still contemplating caller id for the phone. My dad called a couple of weeks ago, off his head as usual. He asked me about our wedding plans, again. Then said he couldn’t give us much towards it. I said I didn’t expect anything as we’re not inviting anyone to the actual wedding, just the party afterwards and we’ve got that covered already, thanks to my mum. He got stroppy that my mum and david are contributing – hello! She is my parent as well and let’s face it, David has been a much better father to me and my brother than the alcoholic in Norfolk. His crowning glory in the conversation however was the line, “I don’t do parties. I never go to parties.” Seriously. I asked if he could make an effort for his only daughter’s wedding and he said he supposed he could. Jeez, don’t put yourself out or anything.

Why am I inviting him? Why do I allow this sick charade of a father-daughter relationship to continue. Duncan says I’m harsh on him, but I’m not. I’ve yet to lose my temper over the late night drunken calls and I’ve yet to shout at him. But I am embarrassed by him. How can I introduce Duncan’s mum to this man? How can I have this man in the same room as some of my dearest friends? Isn’t the sight of my father propping up the bar going to make some people wonder? Won’t Duncan’s mum wonder what kind of family her son is marrying into?

Who said there was less stress marrying abroad?

Until there is a next time…

xx