Polly

‘I can’t stay on your morphine, ‘cos it’s making me itch’ Pink – Like a pill

Is it me, or is Kurt Cobain on every tv screen at the moment. Courtney Love and the rest of Nirvana finally settle on whatever it was they were arguing over, and suddenly, there’s unreleased tracks (well one, but still), a greatest hits, Cobain’s diaries and various other features making the rounds. There’s Nirvana week on Kerrang! tv and MTV2 followed by Nirvana night on MTV and the forthcoming one on VH1. Enough already. I mean, I was a big Nirvana fan in their day, and when Kurt Cobain stuck a gun to his head it affected me in a way I couldn’t quite fathom at the time, but which made sense soon after (an entry will follow this up, as I have had the words spinning in my head for the last few days now), but even I can see overkill and cashing in these days. And all so that the kids, who weren’t even talking when Cobain died, can satiate their Nirvana appetite. Something about that stinks.

After months of humming and haaing about what the hell I intend to do with the rest of my life, I have, over the last couple of days, finally come to a decision. I am going back to studying in the hope that I can qualify as a teacher. Yes, that’s right, a teacher. I will begin studying my Maths A-level in a few weeks and once this is completed I will be able to do my PGCE for key stage 2/3 in Mathematics. I feel almost relieved that I have figured this out, instead of keep harping on about how I’d love to teach. However, cos of my exceptionally bad timing I probably won’t be able to go to uni until 2004, as they reckon it will take more than 11 months to complete the home study course in A-level Maths. Which is an obstacle, but nothing I can’t handle. At least this way I can study without being rushed and save up for the return to uni (albeit for one year). Had I not taken such a pointless degree and instead done something like English I could have gone straight to uni next September and taken my Primary PGCE, but that’ll teach me for thinking Media Studies was a good idea. Also if I’d followed my original plan of studying Maths at A-level I wouldn’t have to be doing it now, but these are obstacles set down that I must get over to prove that this is what I want to do. So fingers crossed.

I’ve been threatening to go back to studying for almost two years now, although for most of that time it was merely to get another A-level or GCSE in something vaguely interesting (such as psychology). I want to do this, but at the same time, the thought of going back to maths scares me. As good as I was at school, I often wondered where in life a Maths GCSE would get me. Apparently here. But there are only three subjects you can do Key Stage 2/3 in: Maths, Science and a foreign language and as I didn’t bother taking a foreign language, and I detested science with a passion, Maths is what is left if I really want to do this. I haven’t even signed up for the A-Level yet and I’m already worrying far into the future. But I remember my maths teachers and they were all middle to old aged men who seemed a bit, well, strange (which as kids we always put down to the fact that they were maths teachers as opposed to any other major character flaw). Already I have doubts. I should stop rambling before I talk myself out of it!

We went to Tony and Kelly’s engagement party on Saturday. It was …. your typical relatives + friends kind of party – just like those wedding receptions when the only people you know are the handful of friends that were invited as well. Kelly’s relatives all seemed nice enough, but then I didn’t talk to any of them. The rest of the party was made up by people who worked at BT and some others who I didn’t know plus Tony’s brother, our little group of friends and a few people I knew from when I used to watch Tony’s team play footie. It wasn’t exactly a ‘happening’ party and we left at 10:30, by which time I was ready to sleep after being up since 6:30am and being at work all day. As we left Tony asked Duncan to be an usher at the wedding. Duncan looked non-commital and said a tentative yes, but I’m not sure if he wants to or not. It’s hard getting a straight answer out of him at times.

On Sunday I found the place I want to get married in. Thanks to the Observer travel section on the Indian Ocean, I have decided the Seychelles is where we are going. I thrust the article under Duncan’s nose and he agrees. Yeah! Not for a couple of years yet you understand, but at least now I have somewhere to dream about and plan for. 🙂

Other than all of that, life has continued on. Work is still dull, although today I got a big pat on the back for being so great and £20 worth of food & drink vouchers, so I can’t complain. As to whether I’ll still be there in three months – that’s a different thing altogether.

So how are you?

Until there is a next time…

xx