A different corner

‘do you know where you’re going to? do you like the things that life is showing you?’ Diana Ross – Do you know? (Theme from Mahogany)

Still feels a little weird being here. Duncan asked me, when I came offline last time, if I was all excited about my new diary. I kinda shrugged. I don’t feel excited so much as vaguely disappointed with myself. I went back and read some of my OD favs (I still intend to try and keep up with them) and discovered one or two who couldn’t make the switch for varying reasons. It made me want to have my own credit card and just buy them all a subscription here. It doesn’t feel the same without them.

I’ve settled into work, somewhat scarily. People think I’ve been there for a lot longer than my two months and I think I am experiencing the whole, stressed out on Friday feeling. (Friday being the busiest day for work). I don’t like it.

It’s Duncan’s birthday today, and despite the protestations this morning, he is 25. Unfortunately he’s had to work today and won’t be home until gone 6 this evening. In the meantime I have cleaned the flat, wrapped his presents, been grocery shopping on my own (something I shall not repeat on a saturday anytime soon) and baked his cake. It’s a whole chocolatey affair and of course, after scraping the bowl clean from the filling and cake mixture, I am completely chocolated out and will not want any tonight. I still have to make the chocolate frosting as well.

We went to see a couple of bands on Thursday night in town. The support band was made up of a couple of friends/acquaintances, hence our appearance. The band are currently minus a singer and, after four pints I decided that auditioning for the role was the greatest idea in the world. I’ve always wanted to sing in a band, but I have one slight problem. I get utterly embarrassed if anyone hears me sing. I want to back out, but then again, I don’t. I want to do this, even if they say I’m not right for them. I don’t want to ever think that I missed some opportunity. But at the same time, I have no confidence in my voice. My parents and Duncan have told me I can sing, but let’s face it, they are biased. I think I may well be wimpy and back out. We shall see. Plus I don’t think my voice really suits their music (I’m just thinking of excuses now aren’t I?)

You know, it’s now March and I am still temping. This most definitely wasn’t part of the grand scheme of things. Why is it so damn hard to find a decent job in this town. I think if I was still single I would have headed straight back to London with my tail between my legs and walked into a job there instead. Funny, the things we do for love. Instead I have spent this week doing some work and getting some writing done. I doubt I will enter the novel writing competition now. Not because I’m too scared to have someone else read my work (someone who isn’t biased that is) but because I have had so many re-thinks on the first chapter that I doubt it will be ready in time. I think I am on my third or fourth one now, although this one sits a lot better in my mind and is already starting to develop. I also have a short story idea for possible publication, but the deadline for that is the end of July, so plenty more time to procrastinate.

It’s only nine weeks now until we go to South Africa. I’d be looking forward to it if I wasn’t so damn terrified of the many creepy-crawly things that are liable to attack me during our three week stay. (At least I can leave my diary for three weeks and know it will still be here when I return now). We almost have the whole thing sorted now, with a couple of nights in Cape Town followed by an overnight bus journey to East London, where we will stay for two weeks. On our way back to Cape Town we are hoping to stay off in some small seaside town for a night, but that really depends on money I guess. I’m still not convinced that Duncan’s family will like me. They’ll probably think I’m some wimpy girl who is terrified of anything.

Until there is a next time…

xx