All apologies

‘starting from zero, got nothing to lose’ Tracy Chapman – Fast Car

I feel like that at the moment. Like everything that has gone before, no longer matters and that I have a clean slate in front of me. Usually this is a good thing, a chance to start afresh, not make the same mistakes again. It’s only a bad thing when the clean slate is your career and everything you’ve ever done counts for jacksh!t in a town with only one major publishing company – the one that you, effectively, chose to leave a month ago.

I’ve been in my job for four weeks now. I’m even starting to think of it as my ‘job’. This isn’t a career. I can see myself as quite mad, or locked up for taking a gun to work and using it, in a few months. I’m sick of the crap. I have meter readers giving me crap because they have to work their agreed hours (8am to 8pm). Like I purposefully booked appointments for the evening slot. I don’t need that. Out of the 20 or so guys I deal with, there is only one that I actually enjoy talking to. He was made redundant last year as well, and neither of us wants to be here, we just are, by some quirk of fate, irony, whatever. Today we talked for 15 minutes, just bitching about the job and the people. I don’t want to be in that office, to listen to inane chatter of how so and so went on a sunbed last night, and do I think their tan is developing; where the biggest decision you have to make all day is what friggin sandwich you want to order. Won’t someone, somewhere rescue me?

I faithfully get the paper each Thursday and trail through. But it still seems that all you need in this town is a qualification of some kind. A marketing degree, a science degree, RSA typing 2, audio typing certificates. I can’t even get a crappy medical secretary job because I don’t have a formal qualification saying I can type. What the hell am I doing now then????

It seems all I do when I log on here now is whine about my job. I’m sorry for that. But the thing is, if it wasn’t for that, things would be great & I could be using this place to put the world to rights or something. Me and Duncan are still so happy together & this month we celebrate our one year anniversary. We scrimp and get by with money, but we are managing, albeit just. I have issues with my friends still, but then I have for a while. Maybe I’ll come back tomorrow and rehash some things in my head. My writing has stalled because our printer packed up this week and I couldn’t print off the info I needed to take to work, but I’m hopefully that a couple of hours typing will produce the end of chapter two tomorrow and, hopefully, a good way into chapter three.

And that is all for tonight. You know, it would be nice to come home and, for once, not feel completely drained and the need to be in bed, asleep, by 8pm. I thought by 25 I’d at least have a plan. To quote Phoebe from Friends… ‘I don’t even have a pl’

Until there is a next time…

xx