Black hole sun

‘Heavy metal suicide’ Billy Joel – We didn’t start the fire

The first part of this entry was written yesterday as the news streamed in and work was abandoned in our office….it is my stream of throughts through the afternoon.

I’m watching the news… Being a ‘not really giving a toss’ kind of news room (we take our stories from the newspaper & rarely write an original/separate story) we actually had Sky Sports on at the time. It was only when someone was on the phone to our counterparts in Newcastle that we realised there was something wrong. Sky news went on and little work has been done since. Watching the pictures of the World Trade Towers on fire and hearing that the Pentagon had been hit was chilling. My stomach turned & had I been at home I’d have probably cried. So many lives in the name of terrorism. To be on one of those planes, being hijacked & not knowing where it was going….One of the towers has just collapsed & my stomach churns even more. I have a stack load of work to do, but can’t help my thirst for knowledge. It’s like watching an effects-laden film. Any second now surely Bruce Willis will arrive to save America? That’s how the films go right? Only it’s not a film. It’s scarier than that because it’s real life. As the finger of blame already looks for somewhere to point itself at, you have to wonder if it will rest on the Middle East. And then you have to start to question why? What drives someone to do this to innocent people? It’s surreal and my thoughts and prayers for those involved seem to be a futile effort. I’m watching journalists try & speak to rescue workers & I wonder if I was in that position what would I do? I know there is a need for a report, for information for the world, but I’d want to be doing anything to help those hurt, trapped, etc. Eyewitness after eyewitness is paraded before the camera all telling the same horror story. And you have to wonder where it will end? What are the chances of retaliation? How many more will be dragged into this before this an ending? And what will the ending be? Each update brings more news of more explosions, more evacuations, more casualties. Buildings across the country evacuated, planes cancelled. As the second tower collapses & reports come in of a 4th hijacked plane on it’s way to Washington, one line catches my ear… the London Stock Exchange is being evacuated. And suddenly this is even closer to home, even scarier. The reports call it Armageddon. It’s surely not far off. Canary Wharf is now being evacuated, the main London building of the company I work for. Yassar Arafat sends his condolences, what the hell else was he going to say? The likely suspect is the infamous Bin Laden. We don’t need to wait for a meteorite to hit, we’ll all end up killing each other way before that.

I drove home last night, listening to Radio 5, listening to the head of some Islamic fundamentalist group in the UK. He talked of how the attacks will make us take notice of Islam, there was no word of condemnation for the horrific loss of life. By 8pm I felt drained from watching the news. We turned it off, it was the same horrific scenes and the same words over and over again. I was plagued all night with dreams and images of the day, being on the plane, being in the building. I slept little.

The one word I have heard bandied about is war, both on the news and on here. Reading the diaries of teenagers in America who actually want to start WW3. That terrifies me. Do they really understand the horror of war? I can’t claim to, I’ve been lucky so far, but our country remembers WW2, the Blitz, the terrorist bombs of more recent years, the terror and devastation. And I don’t want that. How can anyone say that they do? I’m sure I’ll get lambasted by at least one anonymous American teenager for saying this, but going to war over this is a huge mistake. Maybe I am against popular opinion here. I don’t care.

War isn’t Hollywood. It isn’t like ‘Saving Private Ryan’ or ‘Pearl Harbour’. There are no winners. Do you really want the blood of more innocents on your hands? This is Bush’s big test, a test for anyone. I don’t have an alternative answer, but I know that going to war will lead to terrible consequences for the world. All I can do instead is light a candle, send energy and thoughts to all concerned, pray that those responsible are brought to justice, and feel that no matter what I do and say it will be inadequate.

Until there is a next time…

xx