We’ll deal with you later

‘Stupid, bloody tuesday’ The Beatles – I am the walrus

First off a thanks to suggests from the previous entry, plus an extra special thanks to AO who kicked my brain into gear with her fortuitous arrival on icq yesterday evening when I was supposed to be making dinner and she was supposed to be sleeping. I swear being ill has depleted some of my brain cells along the way, or may be it’s just old age setting in. I know that, at 24 I am not really that old. You’re only as young as you feel they say, (whoever they are, I mean let’s face it, does anyone actually know who they are? no, ok, weird little tangent, can you guess that I no longer prepare entries, but instead just type away until it looks long enough? hehehe). But people keep reminding me that in a matter of months I will be 25, which again isn’t that old, but sounds pretty bad. Does this mean I can no longer use the excuse “But I’m in my early 20’s” for all bad/unsociable behaviour? Damn.

I phoned my mum last night. She is the main culprit in reminding me of my birthday and age. If the situation was reversed & started reminding her that she was going to be 45 in May, you can bet your bottom dollar that she wouldn’t be best pleased about it. We also talked about Christmas. This woman is so organised that when she comes to visit us at the end of October she is bringing my Christmas presents. Which means she’s already bought them and wrapped them. Scary huh?

But it also implies something else, something that I only really twigged yesterday. It seems that I should now be having Christmas away from home. Normally I would go home for Christmas and collect my presents then, but they are being delivered to me beforehand (on a side note, where I am going to put them to ensure I won’t rattle, shake & attempt to open before Christmas?). Now I’m gonna be 4 weeks off my birthday at that point, almost 25, and with Duncan, so does that mean I have to have Christmas in our flat now, with just the two of us? Does that mean I have to cook Christmas dinner? I know I’m pagan and all and we aren’t supposed to celebrate Christmas, but celebrate the midwinter instead, but quite frankly I love Christmas, you can’t take that away from it, I will not allow it. Christmas to me was never about a religious festival, always just about being with loved ones and enjoying time together. There’s the justification done.

The thing is, I want to spend Christmas alone but part of me wants to be with my family, being woken up so frigging early and forced to smile with bleary eyes as present after present is paraded in front of me by my sisters. Call me weird (which I know I am), but I would miss that. When I pointed this out to my mother she got all “well I just thought…” and hurt on me. Pah! It’s over three months to go yet, I’ve already managed to turn it into a twisted, confused issue inside my head. And by writing today, all I’ve really achieved is to remind you that we are in that time of year again, when the card shops abandon normal cards and start bringing out the Christmas ones. I should know, I spent 2 Christmas’ in a card shop. It’s hell, I can tell you.

Until there is a next time…

xx