5/8/2004

I was chatting with a friend of mine, whom I’ve known about 3 years, the other day about his relationship with his girlfriend. It seems that she has some problems that she’s been trying to hide from him including anorexia and she’s a pathological liar. He was asking for some advice and really just looking for a shoulder to cry on. We talked for an hour about it, then he said something that floored me.

“Why is it that you know everything about my past 2 relationships and I know nothing about any relationship you’ve ever been in? I feel like I know nothing about you.”

It’s not that he doesn’t know anything about me, he just doesn’t know the ugly details about my past relationships. He doesn’t realize that I was a completely different person when I was with Ken. I was always trying to please him, never went out without him. He basically ran my life and told me how to act, who to see, what to listen to. I hate the person that I was. I don’t want anyone to really know the truth about that relationship.

I decided to head out to LA May 22-25. Mostly to hang out with friends and clear my head. But the Doheny Music Festival (http://www.dohenyheritagefestival.com/) just happens to be that weekend, so I’m hitting that. Actually, this whole idea came up because of the festival. So I get to see all my wonderful South Cali friends, hear some great music and party on the beach for 2 days 🙂

The scary part of all this? M and I will be meeting for the first time. What’s even better? He has no idea I’m coming. One person knows and she has promised not to say a word to anyone else. There will be 11 very surprised people when A shows up with me. I’m excited, but nervous. Every time I think about it, my stomach gets jumpy.