5/1/2004

Even if M and I are destined to just remain friends, I couldn’t ask for a better one.

PG: I’m sending out a bunch of apps and stuff in the next 2 weeks. I’ll need to come out there for interviews
M: ahhh, good!
M: thinkin ahead!
PG: well, of course!
PG: I can’t come out there with no job
PG: well, I could but I just couldn’t imagine it. It wouldn’t feel right
PG: plus, the whole I’ll need money issue
M: you’re being very responsible
PG: Well…I kinda have to be with this for my own sake
M: im just glad you are
PG: and for the fact that I have every person that knows me out here telling me what a horrible idea this is and it’s in my nature to prove to them that I can do this
M: what do YOU think?
M: you should do what you want
M: follow your heart
M: its cheesy but its the way i do life
PG: oh…I’m doing what I want. But it sucks that I have people that tell me they care about me saying that
PG: so, I refuse to talk about it much with anyone here
M: they’re just worried about you sweetie
M: hell I am worried about you
PG: why are you worried about me?
M: cuz you’re my friend and its a big deal
PG: I know it’s a big deal and I’ll admit it to you I’m fucking scared to death
PG: but I can’t help but feel that this is right for me, that I made the right choice so I just have to keep reminding myself of that
M: if you plan, you’ll be alright
M: if you FEEL that its right then its something you NEED to do
M: living life with “what if’s” is the worst
PG: I know, and I’ve done that for far too long
M: i sorta stopped that in college
M: started doing what I wanted
M: it wasnt that i was irresponsible, i still handled my business but i started to take “the road less traveled” and i guess frost was right…. because it really HAS made all the difference
PG: you understand what I’m talking about with this whole thing
PG: one of the few that will listen to me when I talk about it and not just blow it off like I’m screwing my life up
PG: I’m just trying to make myself happy and no one seems to understand that
M: sweetie
M: a) i dont think you’re screwing your life up
M: b) its something you HAVE to do
M: people though i was screwing my life up when i didnt go back east for college then they thought i was screwing up my life when i had offers to go to any law school i wanted, and decided against the entire field
M: but it wasnt for me…. i knew it in my heart….. i knew id be miserable
M: here…. and you’ll see why its changed my life: “I cant believe that we would lie in our graves; dreaming of things, how they might have been”
PG: It took me 26 years but I’m finally beginning to get it
PG: and I need this change