watching the ashes

watching the ashes
the taste of hops lingers
the right compliment
to the sight of the right crowd
at last devouring my work…

[2:08 pm]
Another two years of work, and nothing to show for it.

I’ve not thrown my notebooks into the fireplace (yet), don’t worry, nor have I opened up a beer or anything (again, yet)… just tempting as I sit here, reading over the latest note.

Dear Mr. Casser,

I am sorry to inform you that the Maryland State Arts Council did not select you to receive a FY 2007 Individual Artist Award. The Council received over 500 applications from Maryland artists and has awarded a total of 88 grants. Enclosed is a complete list of artists selected for the FY 2007 awards and jurors who recommended them.

On behalf of the Council, I would like to thank you for your participating in this year’s program and encourage you to apply again in the future.

Sincerely,
[Name omitted]

I realize, as Ayeka keeps trying to reassure me, that this is all the subjective opinion of three judges. This was, however, also the third time I’ve entered the state competition. Every once of feedback I get through here and AllPoetry seems to be that I’ve improved greatly since the FY2005 competition. And yet they still act like I absolutely suck… which just seems to stand in line with what every magazine I’ve submitted to thinks.

I just don’t know if it’s even worth keeping the poetry around anymore… all it does is depress me…